


Show me the way

by peachjaehyun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Lawyers, Bottom Lee Taeyong, Boyfriends, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Heated Kissing, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, Swearing, Top Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Unhealthy Relationships, explicit maybe?, heterosex make out, mentioned hwang renjun, mentioned kim doyoung, nct - Freeform, nct 127, nctdream, travel fic tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-05-18 20:14:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 32,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14859521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachjaehyun/pseuds/peachjaehyun
Summary: It was a lazy mistake that landed Jaehyun on a plane headed for Seoul.And another mistake that landed him in a shop offering tourguide services and just to top that up, he was assigned the moodiest and most bipolar guide available.‘This is TY hyung, one of our star tourguides,’ Mark beamed and threw an arm over the other boy. ‘He knows the city inside out, upside down, back and forth,’ Mark guffawed at his own silliness and Jaehyun smiled weakly in politeness. TY, as the boy was known as, remained expressionless. ‘You can sort out your schedule with hyung, and he’ll accommodate to that.’If Jaehyun had thought Mark was slightly eccentric and perhaps a bit off from the type of people he would usually befriend, then TY was just about a trillion times worse.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a real-life one-on-one tourguide service I read about online and a bit from this dream that's been recurringly plaguing me.
> 
> Also, please do recommend good Jaeyong fics since I've read so many already I think I might have exhausted the lot ughh and that's why I'm dutifully playing my part as a Jaeyong shipper to add to the dwindling collection of fics.
> 
> (As posted on AFF as well, but thought that I might post my first fic on AO3 too!)
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!! 
> 
> Anyway, comment, subscribe and send kudos! 
> 
> Lots of love x

‘Sir, your cab’s here!’ As if on cue, a deafening screech resounded from beyond the hefty oak door.

‘In a second!’ Jaehyun hollered, ripping the last of his sweatpants and boxers from the hangers as he stuffed them into his suitcase. Running down the stairs with his suitcase thumping mercilessly behind him, Jaehyun bounded toward the door.

‘Jaeeeee,’ his mom cooed, hurrying after him to cup her hands on Jaehyun’s cheeks, ‘Have fun and don’t do anything stupid. Come home whenever, we’ll…’ she hesitated and corrected herself, ‘I’ll always be here for you.’ With a smooch and a smothering hug, Jaehyun was finally dismissed and made his way toward the airport where his journey would begin.

 

-

 

‘It is currently -5 degrees Celsius, just a bit chillier than Los Angeles. Thank you for flying with American Airlines. It has been a pleasure serving you and we hope to see you soon. Cabin crew, prepare for landing. Descending in Incheon Airport in 30 minutes.’

 

Jaehyun peered out the window and was met with layers upon layers of white. It never occurred to him that there could be so many shades of the same colour – glistening white traces on the treetops, soft, fluffy mounds on the roofs, tinged and duller stacks on the roads – Seoul truly was a sight to behold. If Jaehyun had ever been to Korea, he had little to no recollection of it. His mother used to tell him stories of this place she called home, the small cottage she lived in, tucked into the nooks and crannies of Seoul. She spoke of bustling cityscapes, steaming buns baked to perfection at hawker stalls, warm soju that burned as it trickled down your throat. His mother used to paint as well, the little brown houses made of artificial wood and bamboo called hanoks, the grandeur of the ancient temples and palaces, all in stark contrast to the looming N Seoul tower that was the city’s guardian personified. She said Seoul was a beautiful cacophony of old and new, where innovation clashed with history and where people’s dreams were built upon tradition.

Jaehyun sighed in contentment. After all these years, Seoul would cease to exist as a mere figment of his imagination.

 

It was by coincidence that Jaehyun ended up heading towards Seoul really. He had never actually contemplated leaving the States, having been born and raised there, the place where all his friends and family (well, it was just his mother, but nevertheless, family) were. It was on that uneventful day, two months into his first job after graduation, that he dozed off during a department meeting. Jaehyun was still uncertain about what actually happened, but according to his colleague, Taeil, he was ‘totally knocked out and sleeping so soundly as if he were having the hangover of a lifetime’. Midway through the meeting, Jaehyun jolted, startled, when he heard his name raised from their department head, ‘Jae, are you onboard?’ Onboard for what exactly? Jaehyun had racked his brains for any vague mention of what exactly was happening and mentally cursed himself for the untimely snooze. Oh fuck it, it can’t be so bad. ‘Yes sir, I’m totally onboard,’ he had flashed his signature grin. ‘Star player as always, Jung Jaehyun!’ their manager beamed, ‘You guys really ought to learn from Jae, just a meager two months into his post and he’s already volunteering for things you cowards shy away from!’ The rest of his colleagues threw him sheepish grins, as if saying goodluck Jae. The meeting ended soon after and Jaehyun didn’t even have to ask about what he had agreed to as all his seniors swarmed around him, clapping his back and hugging him in earnest, piling him with thank yous, like he had just saved everyone’s asses. ‘Dude, what the fuck were you thinking?’ Taeil was the only one who showed genuine concern, ‘Are you seriously going to just move to the opposite side of the globe? Man, aren’t you keen…’

‘Wait what?’ Jaehyun had spluttered. The other side of the globe? What did he mean by that?

Little did Jaehyun know that he had committed himself into a 6-month secondment in Korea. He had cursed himself more than he could count. It was just an innocent doze and here he was, headed toward a country he had no knowledge of whatsoever. The culture, the people, the weather and most of all, the language. Even though he was going to be living in company-owned accommodation and mostly hovering around the CBD, it was still a massive issue that the most Korean he could speak was amassed from all the Korean dramas he had binged on in university. True, he was biologically part-Korean, but his father had made it cruelly clear that any hint of the language and its culture were prohibited – he didn’t want to ‘taint’ the household, Jaehyun had heard. So, his mother had gradually stopped teaching the young Jaehyun her mother tongue, gradually stopped painting the beautiful landscapes of the Asian gem and out of spite or bitterness, Jaehyun never found out, his mother lost touch with his father as they drifted further and further apart as the years went past.

 

-

 

A chilling gust barricaded into Jaehyun as he hobbled off the plane. His legs were sore from the flight and his joints cracked from staying idle for so long. The temperature in the States was always rather mild, but Jaehyun still hadn’t grown accustomed to the freeze. He had always pictured himself moving to a tropical country, somewhere like Singapore or Thailand, where he could bask in the heat all year long. Little did he know that on his very first solo excursion, he would land in a country as cold as his hometown. The next few hours sped past as he was shuffled here and there, baggage collection, departures checks and finally shuttled to the dingy little flat assigned by the company.

 

Jaehyun inserted the key into the lock expectantly. He was told the accommodation was decent, but all he really wanted at that moment was proper heating. His fingers were numb from the December frost and his polished Oxfords were soaked from a puddle of icy water that begged to be noticed. It took a few more attempts before the door swung open, revealing a rather… Jaehyun couldn’t even begin to put a finger on it… a disturbingly tiny apartment. He set his suitcase at the door, plodding into the flat. The floorboards creaked in protest, but they were not the only ones. Jaehyun was protesting inwardly as well. All those seniors do is lie, he thought, decent apartment my ass. He could see dust balled up in the corners, paint peeling off as flakes lined the area directly below it. The couch was no better, the fabric fraying round the edges and the padded seats were sunken, evidence of the inhumanly weight it had bore from its previous owners. If there was one thing that Jaehyun was happy about was the king-sized bed that practically took up the entire bedroom, lined with fresh sheets and duvets that were so out of place in the rest of the worn-down flat. To his amazement, the heater was actually functional, albeit weak and creaky, but Jaehyun would leap at anything that radiated the least bit of warmth right now as the windows rattled from the harsh gusts, a reminder of the rest of the chilly nights that would follow in this foreign city.

 

The night grew dark and after stocking up on bundles of ramen and comfort food (or as his mother liked to call it, junk food), he decided to call it a day and stepped into the shower. The water boiled against his cool skin, leaving trails of sweaty beads in their place as he threw on a loose sweater and hopped into bed. He would sleep in tomorrow, a whole weekend to spare before slaving away on Monday.

 

-

 

The afternoon was already in full bloom when Jaehyun woke up. Sunlight strewn in from the tacky curtains, indicating that it was time for lunch.

 

The city was bustling alright, especially since the condo was located smack in the middle of the commercial district. But today, he wasn’t Jaehyun the lawyer-in-training. No suits, no leather shoes, no briefcases, no fake smiles. Today, he was just a twenty-one year old looking to explore the city.

He was strolling along this street called ‘Myeongdong’, or so the trusty Googlemap indicated. There was way too much to register – the tourists, being knocked on the heels by their suitcases, the hawkers, the bumbling cacophony of languages he understood nothing of. Jaehyun hadn’t wanted to see this side of Seoul. In his mind, he had imagined peaceful alleys lined with tidy little hanoks, the quieter part of the city. Tired of the commotion, Jaehyun was just about to make his way toward the exit when a sign caught his eye:

New to the city? Need a tourguide? Need a friend? We’ve got all the answers!

The sign was nothing spectacular and to the untrained eye, it would have been lost amongst the neon billboards and signposts that surrounded it.

New to the city? Check.

Need a tourguide? Kind of.

Need a friend? Could use one.

It wasn’t even until he was met by a cheery ‘Annyeonghaseyo!’ that Jaehyun realised he had already stepped into the small shop.

 

As it turned out, the cheery voice belonged to a young man called ‘Marklee’. Jaehyun squinted at the name tag, noting the lack of spaces between the two syllables. Yes, it was one word and Jaehyun couldn’t help musing over whether the boy’s first name was truly ‘Marklee’ or if it was just printing gone wrong.

Perhaps Jaehyun’s confusion was plastered on his face or perhaps Marklee (or Mark or lee, whatever his name was) was just intuitive, he had quickly switched to English, greeting his newest customer fluently.

‘Hi! Welcome to… well, we haven’t thought of a proper name yet, but hey, welcome!’ the boy scratched his head stupidly, the smile still pasted on his face.

‘Is there any kind of tour you’re interested in in particular?’

Silence. Jaehyun wasn’t trying to be rude, but he genuinely had no clue what there was on offer and what he wanted to see. There was so much to be discovered in this new place and he didn’t know where to start.

‘I just arrived in Seoul yesterday and I’m going to be here for a while. Just thought maybe I’d try to get to know the place better…’ he trailed off.

‘Hm… I mean it really is all in Myeongdong,’ Mark mumbled, momentarily displaying a crack in that cheery facade like a salesperson who didn’t really believe in the product he himself was selling. ‘What is there to know… Everything interesting is already cramped into these few streets…’

Jaehyun couldn’t help but feel dumb at the comment. But this couldn’t be it. His mother had told him all about the vibrance the exuded from this small city. These tourists and tacky cosmetic shops could not be what captivated his mother. There had to be something more.

‘Why don’t I introduce our plans for you, and you can take your pick.’ Mark fished out a flimsy stack of pamphlets and lay them on the counter.

‘It’s pretty simple really. Just choose a package, and I’ll show you the assigned tourguide for it, then you pay up. Easy as that.’ Mark spoke matter-of-factly.

‘So this is the adventure pack,’ he explained, pointing at the rollercoaster rides and bungee jumps on offer. ‘We also have the clubbing experience, the kpop tour and the shopping spree,’ he continues, flipping through the stash.

‘How about something… less exciting,’ Jaehyun suggested, feeling sick at the thought of blaring music and pushy crowds.

Mark looked up from the pamphlets, eyes wide as saucers. ‘It’s your first time in Seoul and you want something “less exciting”?’ He wasn’t judging, but Jaehyun couldn’t help but feel slightly self-conscious.

‘Uh, yeah. And if it’s possible, the more nighttime activities the better because I actually have to go to work starting from Monday.’

Mark blinked. Jaehyun could virtually read the younger boy’s thoughts: what a lousy, boring customer.

If Mark had indeed been thinking that, he hid it well because all Jaehyun could see was the stupid smile still hanging on his face.

‘How about this. It might cost a tad more but if I could instead just assign you the tourguide first, the two of you could talk it out and customize your own plan?’

The boy looked so expectant and encouraging that Jaehyun didn’t even have the heart to reject the suggestion. At the back of his mind was a small voice: No, you came here for the tour, not for the tourguide. Just take a pick and choose a tour you dimwit.

But before Jaehyun could even protest, Mark had already disappeared into the back office and returned in no time with a boy following grudginly after him.

 

How awkward, Jaehyun mused, staring at the two men sitting across the counter. He had no idea why on earth he had thought this would be a good idea. Half an hour ago, he had entertained the notion that perhaps he might just meet a new friend that could keep him company, a friend that was not one of his fellow stuck-up colleagues-to-be. Jaehyun had always felt like he didn’t belong in his work environment. The legal arena was way too competitive for his liking, the people too calculating and scheming, all plotting on how to trample on one another just to rise to the top. Even back in his firm in the States, Taeil was his only true friend, and even with him, Jaehyun didn’t confide into much.

 

Mark cleared his throat, evidently aware of the unease that had become stifling in that cooped up shop.

‘This is TY hyung, one of our star tourguides,’ Mark beamed and threw an arm over the other boy. ‘He knows the city inside out, upside down, back and forth,’ Mark guffawed at his own silliness and Jaehyun smiled weakly in politeness. TY, as the boy was known as, remained expressionless. ‘You can sort out your schedule with hyung, and he’ll accommodate to that.’  
Soon after, Jaehyun was paying the bill that totaled way less than he had expected. Seoul, he thought, was way less expensive a place than the States. ‘That’ll be for one week,’ Mark smiled, slapping the change into Jaehyun’s hands, ‘Hope you have fun with TY hyung!’ As if noting his assigned tourguide’s emotionless face, Mark added with a wink, ‘He’s not actually scary, he just takes a little time to warm up.’

 

If Jaehyun had thought Mark was slightly eccentric and perhaps a bit off from the type of people he would usually befriend, then TY was just about a trillion times worse. TY had already sauntered out of the shop as soon as the bill was paid and gestured Jaehyun to follow. ‘So much for being a guide’, Jaehyun grumbled. Weren’t tourguides supposed to make sure their customers knew their way and felt at home? Yet here Jaehyun was, in a foreign city, trailing after this odd boy who couldn’t seem to care less whether or not he was truly following him.

 

This was going to be long week, Jaehyun groaned. He was hoping for a little stress-relief on his first week at work but look what a mess he had gotten himself into now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Saw you holding an Americano just now, but wasn’t sure if it was sweetened or not so here are two.’
> 
> To say Jaehyun was taken aback was an understatement, for he had no idea the other was so observant and so... kind? He shook the thought off. Nah, the man was just doing his damn job. He picked up the unsweetened cup. 

Jaehyun shuddered as he snuggled deeper into his padded jacket. TY had done him the courtesy of buying drinks once they entered a nearby cafe. There had since been no exchange between the two, TY’s lips sealed tightly shut. TY returned with a tray of drinks, three in total, to Jaehyun’s surprise. Sitting down, TY picked up a cup and sipped in silence. He motioned Jaehyun to the remaining two. 

‘Saw you holding an Americano just now, but wasn’t sure if it was sweetened or not so here are two.’

To say Jaehyun was taken aback was an understatement, for he had no idea the other was so observant and so... kind? He shook the thought off. Nah, the man was just doing his damn job. He picked up the unsweetened cup. 

‘So... What do we have planned?’ Jaehyun asked, and immediately regretted speaking. 

‘Aren’t you supposed to tell me? You’re the boss here.’

Jaehyun flushed crimson. He did not appreciate the retort.

As if seeing his customer’s discomfort, the tourguide seemed to soften, ‘Sorry, the weather’s getting under my skin,’ he mumbled, ‘Let’s start over again. Hi, I’m Taeyong. Mark calls me TY as an inside joke but I prefer Taeyong.’ 

Jaehyun picked up two things from that statement. One, the younger boy in the shop was called Mark. Not Marklee or Lee, but Mark, it must have been a typo then. Two, Taeyong was profusely eloquent in English, much to Jaehyun’s amazement. Albeit accented in a strangely exotic way, Taeyong seemed rather confident in the language.

‘Taeyong…’ Jaehyun slurred without even registering that he had embarrassingly repeated the other’s name. The syllables rolled fluidly off his tongue. He didn’t know a name could sound so melodic. 

‘Yeah, that’s me,’ Taeyong shuffled in his seat. He fished a handful of what seemed like a mix of garbage and bits and bobs from his pocket and held out a slightly crumpled but readable card. Jaehyun took it and read out loud, ‘Name, Lee Taeyong. Age, 23.’ The boy definitely looked more mature than his age. 

For the first time since they met, Jaehyun shifted his gaze to examine the man sitting on the other side of the table who was picking at the loose ends of his thin jacket, zoning out at the hustle and bustle outside the café. Perhaps it was the hair, dyed staunchly silver with threads of black emerging at the roots, or maybe it was the angled jawline and sharp features. The way Taeyong’s facial features came together like a beautiful mess, impossible to stand alone yet so beautifully ethereal when it amalgamated stunned Jaehyun. He had always been a popular kid in school, a star player at the firm, attracting masses of admirers, and truth be told, he had had is fair share of attention from equally pretty girls, yet Taeyong was something else, something different. Jaehyun was broken out of his reverie when he suddenly noticed that Taeyong had been staring back at him, just as Jaehyun was doing the same and immediately cleared his throat and focused on the card once again. 

‘Hobbies, a bit of everything. Personality type, INFP,’ Jaehyun paused. ‘What’s an INFP?’ 

‘Google it,’ Taeyong deadpanned and Jaehyun didn’t think anyone could sound less interested than that.

Whatever, Jaehyun shrugged. If Taeyong didn’t care enough to talk, he couldn’t be bothered to know. It’s just a one week tourguide. Three hours per day max, no commitment, no nothing, he reminded himself. 

Nothing on the rest of the card jumped out particularly to Jaehyun anymore and he tucked it into his wallet. 

 

‘Your turn,’ said Taeyong looking up from his drink, as if he had finally found Jaehyun slightly more interesting than the coffee stain on the ring of his cup. 

‘I’m Jaehyun. 21. Part Korean, part Americ-’

‘I wasn’t asking for your profile,’ Taeyong cut him short, ‘It’s none of my business. I just need to know what you want to do these seven days.’

Shit, Jaehyun flushed twenty shades redder. ‘Well, you were the one who showed me yours, geez,’ he mumbled in weak protest. 

 

The rest of the afternoon was less painful, Jaehyun having come to terms with Taeyong’s mode of interaction, which was, in other words, not at all. Save from the most essential conversations, Jaehyun learnt that the older was a man of few words. 

Jaehyun had told Taeyong briefly what he was looking to see – the more modest side of the city. No clubbing, no shopping trips and definitely nothing extravagant. 

Taeyong seemed to have it all in his head, because as soon as Jaehyun had told him what he wanted, the older immediately outlined a careful plan of what the top ten places to visit were. He scribbled them onto a map he had fished out previously, together with that introductory card. His handwriting was barely readable and Jaehyun, being the star student he was, couldn’t help but notice a few spelling errors as Taeyong attempted to sketch a plan in English for him. The effort would not go unappreciated, Jaehyun smiled to himself. 

 

‘Great, I’ll see you tomorrow then. 10am sharp, outside this café,’ Taeyong stuck out his arm for a handshake, as if concluding a business deal. The man was still expressionless, nothing like the enthusiasm that was supposed to accompany his words.

 

Great, Jaehyun thought, what a great way to kick off the week. 

 

-

 

Night had already fallen by the time Jaehyun’s uneventful meeting with Taeyong ended, and he was actually glad to be left to his own devices again. Without a second thought, he had barged out of the Myeongdong area, hopped on the tube and shot back to where his flat was. The CBD was eerily quiet at this time of the day on a Saturday but compared to the busy shopping district, Jaehyun could not feel happier. He maneuvered toward the only shop that was still open, a neon sign blinking weakly as if minutes from its demise. Jaehyun had no idea what on earth the sign meant but judging from the sparse tables inside, it was definitely a restaurant selling noodles of sorts. 

 

Jaehyun picked up the menu before he realised how dumb he was. He was faced with words which seemed like mere scribbles which no photos to accompany it. 

A gruff woman stood next to him, pen and pad in hand, presumably asking for his order. It didn’t help that Jaehyun looked fully and completely Korean. 

‘What’s your best dish?’ Jaehyun asked, testing the waters. 

The woman stared, answering something in Korean. 

Jaehyun sighed, there was no point in trying. He pointed randomly at one of the options, praying it was something normal at least. 

 

Minutes later, the same woman slapped a plate in front of him. What the ‘thing’ sitting in front of him was, Jaehyun had no clue. All he knew was that it looked very unappetizing, yet he was very hungry. The red mush resembled sausages, cut up into smaller pieces, stuffed to the brim with sprouts and noodles. If he were less close to starvation, Jaehyun really would not have touched the dish, but it was not the time to argue now. He was positively famished. 

To his surprise, the sausage-like dish was actually decent and ten minutes later, his stomach was filled and he was finally walking back to his flat. 

 

That night, as Jaehyun sat cross-legged on his bed, the only place where it was actually bearable, what with the dusty furniture in the living room, he decided to take Taeyong’s suggestion. ‘Google it,’ he had said. I-N-F-J, Jaehyun punched into his laptop, silently thankful for the usable wifi. 

‘The INFJ personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world,’ the description read. So Taeyong was… rare. Jaehyun’s mind floated back to his tourguide’s angelic looks. Yup, definitely rare. 

He continued. ‘INFJs find it easy to make connections with others, and have a talent for warm, sensitive language…’ He snorted, something definitely didn’t click here. Taeyong was the complete opposite of ‘warm’ and ‘sensitive’. 

The rest of the description seemed to fit Taeyong only half-heartedly, but Jaehyun figured it was too early to judge, having only known the man for less than two hours, conversing less than ten lines perhaps. 

The only other thing that stood out to Jaehyun for some reason was a tiny reminder at the bottom of the page, ‘It is most important for INFJs to remember to take care of themselves. The passion of their convictions is perfectly capable of carrying them past their breaking point and… they can find themselves exhausted, unhealthy and stressed.’ Jaehyun would take note of that because truth be told, Taeyong did appear rather exhausted and unhealthy, skinny to the point that he looked almost fragile.  

 

-

 

Jaehyun woke up with a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead before his alarm went off, groaning as a sharp pain panged in his stomach. It had been a restless night, alternating between deep sleeps following frequent trips to the bathroom. Must’ve been those damn sausages, he thought. The clock read 8:30am, he had one more hour to go before he had to leave his home for Myeongdong. It was definitely not the best day to be out and about, given Jaehyun’s stomachache, the gloomy skies and inevitable jetlag. Yet there was something about his arrangement with Taeyong that so relentlessly urged him to get a grip and not skive. 

 

Jaehyun arrived outside the café at 10am sharp to find Taeyong already there, two coffees in hand, steam wafting from the tiny hole punched on the cover. Wordless as usual, Taeyong handed Jaehyun the cup that read: Americano. Unsweetened. 

 

Mark had been right, Taeyong was indeed a good tourguide. He didn’t even have to refer to a map or notepad, having already memorized their scheduled route. 

‘I’ll bring you to the more generic touristy spots first,’ Taeyong merely stated, not quite asking for a second opinion, ‘then we’ll stop for lunch at around 1pm.’ 

 

A few stops from Myeongdong, and the two arrived at a majestic palace, revered for its historical roots, and not so much its lavishness. Jaehyun had never really visited many monuments in Asia, but he had seen this from one of the sketches his mother used to draw. The hard brick wall seemed to go on forever as it stretched across the expanse of the road. It was funny to see how accurate his mother’s descriptions were – a place where innovation meets tradition. There it was before Jaehyun’s eyes, the palace was grounded at the very centre of a bustling area, cars zooming past and surrounded by modern architecture. Buildings loomed around it, yet there was something so solemn and dignified about the palace that overpowered everything else. 

‘This is Gyeongbok Palace,’ Taeyong motioned after giving Jaehyun ample time to take it in, ‘And behind us, is a statue of King Sejong the Great, the fourth king of the Joseon dynasty.’ Jaehyun turned and saw a statue slightly worn out but grand nevertheless. 

The pair traipsed through the palace with the occasional anecdote Taeyong seemed to have recited. When the clock struck eleven, Jaehyun heard the rumble of marching men and to his glee, saw a huddle of guards marching in unison, single file, adorned with heavy armour. He lit up, and hurried over to the procession with Taeyong scuttling behind him. Jaehyun’s eyes were still glued on the marching men as his hands tugged at Taeyong’s, ‘It’s exactly how it looked like in the Korean dramas I watched!’ He squealed. Surely and steadily, the guards swerved on their heels and exchanged positions with the ones that were now off-duty. Jaehyun still had a fistful of Taeyong’s jacket in hand as he chattered excitedly about the various similarities this had with what he had seen on TV. He didn’t notice, being way too focused on the procession, but it was the first time Taeyong had spared anyone a smile in a long time. A slight upturn of his lower lip, but nevertheless, a smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, I've had the strong longing to write all night so the first thing I did when I woke up was do precisely that haha
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! This is going to be a rather soft fic (I'm guessing but to be honest, I haven't really thought it all the way through yet), so more descriptions and inner feelings. As you can see, Taeyong isn't much of a chatterbox... 
> 
> Anyway, do feel free to comment, subscribe and send kudos! If there's one thing that's better than kudos, it's a comment!! I'd love to know how you guys thought of this story and the characters or any theories you might have! So do drop in, even if just to say hi! 
> 
> P.S. If anyone is interested, the 'INFJ' bit is a personality test result that gives you a pretty clear idea of what personality type you are or what jobs you're suited for. I chose this personality for Taeyong (https://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality), you can check it out if you're interested and it might even give you a few hints as to where this story will be heading ;) 
> 
> Lots of love x


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun was pretty, Taeyong registered as he scrutinized the younger’s face. Smooth milky skin, adorned with long lashes and dimpled cheeks. Jaehyun was taller than him by less than half a head but with his childish delight and demeanour, it was hard to treat him any more than a high school kid. Jaehyun was taking his sweet time to make that wish, Taeyong figured, but that just gave him more time to survey the younger. Jaehyun’s locks framed his chubby cheeks perfectly, dark brown and glossy, Taeyong wondered whether he was born with them or if it was an expensive dye. The corners of Jaehyun’s mouth was upturned as if locked in a sweet dream but at that very moment, Jaehyun’s eyes snapped open as he declared he was done with his wish. 
> 
> ‘That took you long… How greedy are you?’ Taeyong commented.
> 
> ‘Not as greedy as you, mister my-eyes-were-glued-to-your-face-the-entire-time,’ Jaehyun laughed as he ran forwards before he could even see Taeyong flush a shade of crimson. 

The palace tour ended right after the procession was complete and Taeyong couldn’t help but notice the creases Jaehyun had left on the hem of his jacket. He was about to smooth it out when he paused. He liked it, he figured. It sounded stupid but Taeyong liked that Jaehyun had left small yet visible traces on him. 

The sun was finally hanging directly over the city, now that it was already a bit past noon. The snow that lined the roads this morning had melted and in their place were puddles and ice. 

‘Where are we going next?’ Jaehyun asked delightedly, spirits evidently lifted from the Korean-drama lookalike he had just witnessed. 

‘We’ll follow Cheonggyecheon Stream until we get to the end and then walk five more minutes to the left. There’s a pretty good restaurant.’ 

The wide pavement opened up into a stream, contained on both sides by concrete steps. The stream was not frozen, to Jaehyun’s delight and he could hear the soothing gushes pouring from what seemed like a mini dam. 

Taeyong was zoned out once again, eyes focused on something in the distance. 

Jaehyun wasn’t curious enough to pry and took in his surroundings. The sound of children screaming in glee, down jackets wrapped around their small bodies as their parents chased after them. Young couples warming their hands in each other’s embrace, whispering sweet nothings as if living in their own little world. 

‘Taeyong!’ Jaehyun called out, beckoning Taeyong to walk over. ‘Do you have a dollar to spare?’ Jaehyun asked. He pointed to a small sign saying: Make a wish coin toss. How incredibly childish, Taeyong mused, never once did he believe in these things. In his twenty-three years of living, he had come to know that the world was not a wish-granting factory. There was nothing such as a miracle and wishes simply did not come true. It was a harsh world and he had bore the brunt of it. Snapping out of his sad, sappy life, he handed over a coin. He won’t make it, Taeyong thought and was immediately proved wrong as Jaehyun’s coin (or more like Taeyong’s) landed atop the pile of coins in that bronze bowl. 

‘Go on, make a wish,’ Jaehyun urged, proudly pointing at the coin that was now unrecognizable in the pile. 

‘You make a wish, you tossed it.’ 

‘Oh come on Taeee…’ Jaehyun whined. Taeyong froze. It wouldn’t have struck anyone has something shocking but to Taeyong, it meant something. Tae. He had called him ‘Tae’. It was as if Jaehyun had struck a cord within him that he unwittingly softened. ‘Let’s… both make one.’

Jaehyun was pretty, Taeyong registered as he scrutinized the younger’s face. Smooth milky skin, adorned with long lashes and dimpled cheeks. Jaehyun was taller than him by less than half a head but with his childish delight and demeanour, it was hard to treat him any more than a high school kid. Jaehyun was taking his sweet time to make that wish, Taeyong figured, but that just gave him more time to survey the younger. Jaehyun’s locks framed his chubby cheeks perfectly, dark brown and glossy, Taeyong wondered whether he was born with them or if it was an expensive dye. The corners of Jaehyun’s mouth was upturned as if locked in a sweet dream but at that very moment, Jaehyun’s eyes snapped open as he declared he was done with his wish. 

‘That took you long… How greedy are you?’ Taeyong commented.

‘Not as greedy as you, mister my-eyes-were-glued-to-your-face-the-entire-time,’ Jaehyun laughed as he ran forwards before he could even see Taeyong flush a shade of crimson. 

 

-

 

Taeyong was just as eloquent in Korean as he was in English and Jaehyun couldn’t help but wish that he, too, had that ability. Taeyong had picked out several ‘chef recommendations’, together with some of his personal favourites that Jaehyun apparently ‘had to try’. Jaehyun was glad Taeyong seemed to have warmed up to him. It was just three hours into their day, perhaps the rest of the week wasn’t going to be so painful, he hoped. 

The small shop was very homey for one smack in the middle of a tourist area. The atmosphere was warm and cozy, not crowded enough to make their ears ring, but packed enough to reassure Jaehyun that this was indeed a place that was popular with the locals. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Jaehyun could see two girls whispering. No, those couldn’t be whispers. They were obviously talking about him, not even attempting to stay discreet as the girls fixated their gazes on him. 

‘Wow, he’s hot,’ the girl in pigtails breathed. Jaehyun could vaguely make out what they were saying with his limited Korean. Thank goodness for Korean dramas, he thought for the millionth time in two days. Jaehyun could feel Taeyong tense up as his jaws clenched slightly but he assumed it was because, well, it was Jaehyun who caught their attention instead of Taeyong himself.

‘I know right! Should we…’ the other girl piped. Jaehyun couldn’t hear what the other had suggested because they were served and his attention had shifted to the platefuls of Korean pancake, dumplings, marinated beef and so much more. Just as he was about to raise his chopsticks, he felt a light tap on his shoulder. 

‘Annyeonghaseyo,’ the girl in pigtails greeted him with a bright smile. She couldn’t have been more than twenty years old, her features beautifully carved yet regretfully overly matted with makeup. 

‘Uh hi,’ Jaehyun hesitated. 

‘Oh, you’re not Korean?’ the girl was taken aback. It must’ve been his wholly Korean appearance again. 

‘Partly Korean,’ Jaehyun answered.

The girl seemed to be contented with that response and moved on to introduce herself in broken yet understandable English.

Jaehyun looked over to Taeyong who was similarly frozen with a piece of kimchi dangling dangerously from his chopsticks. It was a funny sight seeing the seasoned vegetable swinging like a pendulum in front of Taeyong’s expressionless face. Unreadable. 

It was as if Taeyong had seen Jaehyun look at him that his façade cracked and offered, ‘Need a translator?’ 

The girl was a university student apparently and being as forward as she was, had volunteered to bring Jaehyun around the city after knowing that he was new here. Jaehyun wasn’t sure what to make of it. Sure, he knew he looked good, hell, all his friends told him that. But being approached by a young woman out of the blue in a foreign country? Even that was too much for him. 

‘Maybe some other time,’ Jaehyun smiled politely, ‘I should get back to my friend here, he’s showing me around this week.’ Taeyong couldn’t help but feel a slight tinge of happiness rising from the depths of his core. The girl courteously nodded and returned to her table, still chattering to her friend, possibly reporting her encounter with the handsome stranger. ‘So, a ladies’ man are we?’ Taeyong joked, transporting the soggy kimchi into its rightful place and chomping away. 

The rest of the meal was ate in silence as Taeyong seemed to have reclined back into his icy façade and Jaehyun took the liberty of initiating conversations that merely ended with a few grunts from the older. 

It wasn’t toward the end of the meal that Jaehyun began to feel an uneasy pang of discomfort creeping from his stomach. Damn it, must be that stomachache, he thought. It was proof of his terrible acting because within seconds, Taeyong had begun to notice the younger’s face slightly contorted and breaths growing heavier. 

‘You okay?’ Taeyong asked, brows furrowing in concern. 

‘Yeah,’ Jaehyun breathed. Who was he kidding, he sounded like a strangled animal. 

‘You don’t seem so good,’ Taeyong stated matter-of-factly. Jaehyun’s crimson cheeks had turned pale, lips rid of colour and the same thin sheen of sweat had begun to dot his forehead. Taeyong winced, it wasn’t a pretty sight. 

‘Hey, Jaehyun, how are you feeling?’ Taeyong stood up and placed a hand on the younger’s arm, shaking him lightly. 

‘Not so good,’ Jaehyun admitted, smiling weakly as if to reassure the older. 

‘Come on, you should get some rest,’ Taeyong asserted, leaving several bank notes on the table before hoisting Jaehyun up. He slung Jaehyun’s arm over his own shoulders and half hauled, half led the younger into a cab. 

Taeyong pulled out his binder and recited the address of his client to the driver, willing him to speed faster. He wasn’t sure what was wrong with Jaehyun but it could not be good. The younger was now shivering, eyes sealed shut and lips tight in discomfort. Taeyong shrugged off his own jacket and lay it over the younger. He was left with a thin sweater now, but it really didn’t matter as long Jaehyun could stay warm. 

After what seemed like ages, the pair finally entered Jaehyun’s dingy flat and Taeyong cringed at the grimy floorboards and furniture as he mentally refused to leave the young boy on the flea-ridden couch. A few more steps and they reached the bedroom. Taeyong lay the younger down and immediately, Jaehyun curled up against his duvet, hugging his stomach. The film of sweat had now spread to his entire face, not merely limited to his forehead. It must be bad, Taeyong thought. 

Taeyong was the eldest in his family, what with a baby sister and twin brothers so he was used to the protocol. Whenever his siblings were feeling unwell, he would wrap them up in thick blankets, enveloping them like a cocoon, make them soup and rub their back in light, soothing circles. And that was exactly what he did. 

An hour later, it was evident that the pain had subsided because Jaehyun’s contorted expression had grown relaxed, brows no longer scrunched up and the sheen of sweat had disappeared. Taeyong let out a sigh of relief and proceeded to sit on the edge of the massive bed. 

What exactly was he doing here though? He thought. It was so unlike him to care for his clients. If this happened to his previous customer, he recalled the girl in her twenties that he had acted as a tourguide to before Jaehyun, he would’ve just flagged a cab, ushered her in and left. He definitely wouldn’t have found himself where he was now, seated on the edge of his customer’s bed and patting warm towels on his forehead every ten minutes. What on earth was he doing?

A few more minutes later and Jaehyun began to stir. 

‘Where am I?’ Jaehyun pushed himself up, disoriented. 

‘I brought you back to your place. I did consider bringing you to the hospital but costs and everything, I wasn’t sure you’d be happy to pay the hefty bill they would probably charge…’ Taeyong explained before realizing that with the expensive clothes and accessories Jaehyun carried, money was most definitely not an issue. 

‘Thanks,’ Jaehyun breathed as he sunk back into his covers. 

‘How are you?’ 

‘I’ve been better, but I’m okay now, sorry for ruining the day and wasting your time,’ Jaehyun turned to look at the clock. It was 5pm already. 

‘What happened?’ Taeyong asked and there was a hint of concern in his voice, there but not quite.

‘I- Um… stomachache.’ 

‘That serious?’ 

‘Yeah, I’ve always been prone to stomachaches and when they get to me, it’s usually quite bad. Started with irregular eating habits in high school, then the stress at university. Reading law really gets to you, you see, and even more so working in the field…’ It was the first time Taeyong knew what Jaehyun did for a living. So he was a lawyer, money was obviously not an issue. 

‘You should go now, I don’t want to keep you. I’m alright now, probably just had something dodgy the night before,’ Jaehyun reassured. 

‘It’s not I have anything planned…’ Taeyong trailed off. Of course he didn’t, he was supposed to be occupied by Jaehyun the entire day. 

‘Oh right,’ Jaehyun said stupidly. 

‘How about we move on to the ‘making friends’ part of the package,’ Taeyong was feeling considerably sorry for the younger who looked so miserably downtrodden and vulnerable. The thick duvet made him appear tiny, even for a grown man like Jaehyun. 

‘Tell me more about yourself,’ Jaehyun murmured, closing his eyes once more as if preparing for a bedtime story. He had his face toward Taeyong, eyelids fluttering slightly as he shifted into a fetal position. He had never seen someone so beautiful, Taeyong thought. 

Taeyong had never been one to open up, not even to his old friends. He tended to keep to himself. It wouldn’t help ease his problems even if he publicized all that he was dealing with, so what was the point? His past wasn’t even that spectacular either, unlike the boy that was curled up next to him. He was not wealthy, not particularly educated and had no hopes and dreams for the future. 

Jaehyun hummed as he curled up closer to Taeyong for warmth. When the two met, Jaehyun, under the covers and Taeyong seated on top of it, Taeyong felt shivers down his spine, both electric and heated at the same time. 

‘I was born and raised here in Seoul,’ Taeyong began, juggling what to reveal and what not to. ‘I went to a little-known high school and after graduation, tried out a few jobs here and there. Mark was one of my younger brothers’ best friends so one thing led to another and he offered me a job at this tourguide slash make-a-friend place,’ Taeyong concluded. That was the most he could offer right now. 

‘I wasn’t asking for your profile,’ Jaehyun joked, stealing a cheeky glance at Taeyong. Taeyong suppressed a laugh. Those were the exact words he had iterated when he snapped at Jaehyun the day before. It had been less than a day and everything already felt so different. 

‘Tell me more. Tell me about what your childhood, what you wanted to be. Tell me if you’re happy in life. Tell me about your quirks and pet peeves…’ Jaehyun trailed off again. 

We literally just met, Taeyong thought, hovering uneasily at the notion of revealing all that was requested by the younger. 

So Taeyong began. He told Jaehyun about his primary school days when he used to, and still was, the clumsiest kid. How he used to trip over his own two feet and that was how his legs ended up grafted with scabs. He told Jaehyun about how he had dreamt of being a kpop artist and how he was the lead rapper in a band he had formed with his high school friends. There were moments when Taeyong thought Jaehyun had already drifted into sleep that he stopped to listen to his regular breathing. And suddenly, he would be prompted by the younger who was apparently, not asleep yet, asking for more anecdotes. 

It took a while before Taeyong felt it was safe for him to leave the bedroom and he tiptoed stealthily and closed the door behind him. He had two options – he could stay here, wait for Jaehyun to wake up, or he could leave and shoot him a text. His hours were up already. The commitment was a maximum of eight hours per day and it was already 6:30pm. But Taeyong didn’t even have to weigh his choices seriously to know that he was not in Jaehyun’s apartment solely because he was a client in need. There was obviously something more that he couldn’t wrap his head around, something that demanded him to stay. Hours exceeded or not, Taeyong wanted Jaehyun to wake up with someone there. It must be intimidating for a young boy, not knowing the language or having anyone to lean on, miles away from home. Childish s Jaehyun might seem, Taeyong noticed his maturity and inner strength. Hell, if Taeyong was asked to move to the opposite side of the globe, he would not have managed and probably would be boarding the next flight out. 

 

Taeyong stood in the kitchen watching the pot boil and left the porridge heating on the stove. Jaehyun would need it when he woke up. Suddenly, Jaehyun’s phone buzzed and the screen lit up. His phone was lying on the table top, blinking furiously, an indicator that he was being swamped with messages. 

‘Jae, call me.’ The message read. The sender was a girl known as Ashley.  

More texts followed.

‘Jae, I know you’re mad but I really am sorry.’

‘Just hit me up whenever, I promise I’ll make it up to you.’

‘Don’t ignore me, pleaseee.’

‘We’re Ash and Jae… We’re the couple everyone aspires to be…’

‘I love you, Jae.’

‘I love you, Jae.’ The words stung. Taeyong wasn’t even sure why. He had just met Jaehyun, but something churned in his stomach, something akin to pain but not quite. Something akin to jealousy. 

 

It was 8pm when Jaehyun fully got up to find Taeyong absent from his room. Slightly disappointed, Jaehyun hopped out of bed, meaning to call Taeyong, a joke in mind about how he had supposedly reserved Taeyong for the entire day and how he demanded a refund for his absence.

To Jaehyun’s surprise, he found Taeyong seated on his couch, TV remote in hand as he flipped through the channels looking positively disinterested. 

‘Hey, you’re up.’ Jaehyun didn’t think he had heard a voice as soft and gentle, a stark contrast to the Taeyong he had met earlier that day.

‘I made porridge,’ Taeyong got up from his seat, tone flat again, ‘There wasn’t much for me to work with so it’s just plain porridge with eggs and salt.’

It had been years since Jaehyun had had a proper home-cooked meal. Back in Los Angeles, his mother had shifted from the homecarer to an absent figure, coinciding with the time when his father met another woman years ago. That was when the home-cooked dinners stopped. Because it was usually just Jaehyun alone at home, his mother had told the helpers that there was no need for them to cook and that Jaehyun could just whip up something on his own or order takeaway. It was simpler that way and Jaehyun never really minded. It was just then when the sweet smell of porridge wafted from the open kitchen that Jaehyun realised how much he missed home-cooked food. Bland or not, it was a real delicacy. 

Taeyong had returned back onto the couch, flipping through the channels a second time. 

Jaehyun brought the pot of porridge from the stove, oven mitt in hand as he ate directly from the pot. 

‘Want some?’ he offered.

Taeyong shook his head. The lump in his throat had not subsided since he read those messages. ‘I love you Jae.’ The phrase throbbed painfully in his head.

Taeyong cleared his throat. ‘You seem fine. I’m going to leave now. It’s way past my hours already.’ 

If Jaehyun was hurt, he didn’t show it. 

‘Sorry,’ Jaehyun mumbled, the original cheer that came with the homemade porridge dissipated. 

Without even waiting for a proper response, Taeyong grabbed his jacket and left. He was stupid for thinking there could be anything more than a mere work relationship. Of course Jaehyun was already with someone. A man as handsome, successful and educated as Jaehyun definitely deserved an equally amazing young woman. Taeyong could practically see ‘Ashley’ in his imagination. Presumably a skinny frame, skin tight dress balancing on stilettos. She was possibly a lawyer too, honours graduate, intellectual and confident. It didn’t strike Taeyong until then that Jaehyun, born and raised in America, was most probably one of those rich kids who were flocked by girls wherever he went. Even this afternoon, when Jaehyun had merely thrown on an unassuming pair of sweats and cocooned in a thick jacket, he had already garnered the attention of the young university students. Young, pretty and educated. Taeyong was no match for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAND lo and behold, here comes the angst. It's going to be light I promise but you've got to admit that a jealous Taeyong is what makes life worth living :') Also, as you can see, they're finally warming up to each other so stay tuned for more character development, back stories and fluff! 
> 
> Lots of love x


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun paused in his tracks.  
> What would that make of him then? It was then that panic began creeping up his throat. No, it couldn’t be it. He had dated so many girls before. Seulbi, Rachel, Amanda, Lauren… More than he could count. That couldn’t be it. He refused to add Taeyong onto the list, he refused to add a guy to the list.

Jaehyun spent the rest of the night huddled next to the heater, porridge in one hand and his phone in the other. Shortly after Taeyong’s abrupt departure, he had noticed his phone vibrating on the counter.  
If Jaehyun were honest, he had already half guessed who the bombardment of messages came from. Ashley was both a family friend and a college acquaintance. She, too, read law but rumour had it that she merely got in because of her family legacy and their massive contribution to the school board. Renovations, charitable donations, construction of the new law faculty buildings, you name it.  
Jaehyun and Ashley were never really close but Ashley never seemed to register that. Ever since their awkward introduction at a family gathering about a decade ago, Ashley had stuck to him like flies to food scraps, merciless and relentless.  
His parents merely exacerbated the situation. American culture, progressive as it was, never caught up with his family and their close friends who were mostly expats from various parts of Asia. His mother was still keen on him getting married before thirty, with a nice woman who would (in her words) ‘bring her a grandson to carry on the Jung family name’. If there was one part of Asian culture that his father had accepted wholeheartedly, it was this.  
So for years, the two families had tried to set up dates for Ashley and Jaehyun, ushering them to sit next to each other at dinners and throwing embarrassing suggestions such as ‘Why don’t you ask Ashley if she’d want to join you at the basketball match on Tuesday?’ or ‘Ashley, isn’t there a module you don’t understand? Why don’t you ask for Jaehyun’s help?’ Jaehyun was sick of it. No thanks, he had thought, but never had the heart to reject.  
On top of that, his mother had a knack for guilt-tripping him, insisting how lonely she felt with Jaehyun always at school or work and his father absent, and how lovely it would be if ‘someone like Ashley’ could be around to keep her company. His father was harsher, barking out orders, forcing Jaehyun to make time for Ashley because ‘Ashley is a nice girl and her father would be valuable to our business’. So I’m just a figurine in your game of chess, Jaehyun had chuckled bitterly.  
Perhaps it was because of the notion that he was merely part of his father’s business deal, part of his mother’s desire to be ‘less lonely’, that Jaehyun was staunchly against the idea of dating Ashley or any girl that his family would term as ‘decent’. He never fell for the ones caked in makeup, balanced on high heels or sported designer handbags. The girls he did develop feelings for were usually the modest ones.  
Jaehyun still remembered the first crush he had when he was 15. She was the personification of a sunny day, the epitome of kindness. He remembered the day when he held her hand and led her to his house, swelling with pride as he visualized how happy his parents would be for him, the fact that their son was grown up now and had someone he liked. That was the first time his fantasies were shattered. That afternoon, his parents had feigned a kind of awkward generosity, but after his then girlfriend left, they chided him for dating ‘a girl from the poor part of town’ and that ‘people like them were better left as acquaintances’. His father had made sure the lesson was imprinted in Jaehyun’s mind as much as on his body as he slapped him on the cheek that night. Jaehyun remembered the stinging sensation, tears rolling down uncontrollably, exacerbating the throbbing pain.  
‘But father, I just… I just really like her.’ Jaehyun had protested. ‘Maybe if you got to know her better you’d see how down-to-earth and how much prettier she is than Ashley.’  
He was met by another slap. ‘We didn’t raise you to be this selfish, ungrateful -’ Jaehyun had willed himself to forget the profanities, the hurtful names his dad hurled at him.  
‘It’s your duty to help with the family business, son. Ashley will be the first step. Besides, she’s a nice girl. So pretty, so educated and so well-mannered.’ This was from his mother.

The deal with Jaehyun was that the more people pestered him to do a certain thing or behave in a certain way, the more he did not want to behave as told. It wasn’t him being childish or rebellious. He had just had enough of having his life being dictated to ‘study that subject because it’ll bring you heaps of money’ or ‘stop dating that girl because you’re too good for her’.

The years following Jaehyun’s high school graduation, he had worked multiple jobs during his legal studies and amassed enough to get by. There were nights when he would cry his eyes out, stressed out by both his studies and the fact that he was running short on cash. But he never once told his parents that he had stopped using the debit card under the Jung household’s name. He would make do with whatever he earned and paint a life of his own.  
Jaehyun was also lucky and immensely thankful that he managed to land a job in a prestigious law firm straight after graduation. Despite the inhumanly working hours, he had a solid income rolling in, more than enough for his basic needs and extra to spend on luxuries.

-

Concentrating on his cracked phone screen that was still blinking furiously, Jaehyun punched in a reply.  
‘Ash, don’t do this. There was never “we”, it was always just our families. I didn’t want any of this.’  
Jaehyun knew he was being cruel and he almost pitied the recipient, but with Ashley’s persistence and fierce spirit, he knew his reply could far from dampen the fighter in her. It had always been that way for as long as the two had known each other. Jaehyun would get pissed, then soften up and Ashley would gladly pretend nothing ever happened.  
His screen lit up again.  
‘But Jae, “we” went to the movies, “we” hugged. There was ALWAYS “we”.’  
Lies, all lies. They had gone to the movies because his mother insisted that ‘it’d be a lovely idea to bring Ashley to go see that new comedy, don’t you think, Jae?’ And Jaehyun was too polite to say no.  
They had hugged because she rammed herself into Jaehyun at the airport when he was about to head into the departures gate and Jaehyun was too shocked to pry himself away.  
There was no ‘we’, there never was.

Jaehyun sighed and gulped down a spoonful of warm porridge. It was bland yet soothing, a delight to his chapped lips and dry tongue. His mind momentarily lingered on Taeyong, the way he hesitantly told him stories from his childhood and stayed after hours to keep him company. Sure, ‘be a friend’ was probably in his job prescription, but to this extent? Jaehyun wasn’t so sure.

-

Taeyong lounged lazily in bed after returning from Jaehyun’s. He lived in the shoddier part of Seoul and the daily hike that led up to his home was the bane of his existence. It didn’t help that Taeyong had sustained several injuries while he was working at his first job in factory. They were gruesome incidents which left him scarred both psychologically and physically, the upper part of his thigh and knees still bore testament to that. He had promised himself and his whiny siblings that once he had the money, they would move to somewhere that didn’t require as much physical exertion.

Taeyong zoned out once again, taking note of the room he grew up. The patched up duvet that his deceased mother had left him; the fraying sweatshirts he had reserved for non-work days and the few more decent ones for when he had to bring customers around; the rattling windowpanes he feared would not withstand the inevitable snow storms that were to sweep Seoul this winter. How stupid he was to think that maybe that spark, or whatever it was, with Jaehyun would amount to something more? It was all in good time that Taeyong had realised this early enough, else the hope would build up and come crashing down. For a young man his age, he had received his fair share of disappointments, he didn’t need any more.

-

At precisely 8:33am, Jaehyun walked toward the reception, the smell of plaster and paint was overwhelming given the newly renovated office.  
‘Hi, I’m Jae,’ he put on the usual fake smile he had reserved for the office.  
‘Oh, you’re the new trainee! Welcome! Mr. Gordon has spoken highly of you and has personally designated a seat for you, just follow me.’ The lady hurriedly directed Jaehyun toward a tiny cubicle.  
To Jaehyun’s dismay, binders and manila folders towered on all four sides of the cubicle and he thought once again: all these seniors do is lie. Obviously, they were unprepared for Jaehyun’s arrival or maybe they were, and decided to take the opportunity to indirectly force a newbie to tidy up their mess for them. How convenient.

The rest of the day was just as unfortunate as it had started. Jaehyun had barely finished clearing up the pile when his newly synced mailbox began flashing in frenzy. Apparently, he was just one of the three trainees the new branch could afford so everyone else decided to load them with the most tedious chores. Jaehyun ended up being the printing boy, coffee guy and live spellchecker. It was a miserable degradation from the actual legal work he used to do in Los Angeles.

When the clock finally struck 7pm, he was glad to see that most of his colleagues were already packing up, else he would have to sit at his desk after hours too. Trainees should never leave earlier than their superiors, he was told.

-

Taeyong stood in the frosty night, shivering slightly in that thin jacket of his, mentally cursing himself for always being on time. Where the hell was Jaehyun? Did he think Taeyong was a pushover just because he cared for him the other night? Did he really think he could turn up half an hour late and that Taeyong would stay rooted on the spot waiting for him?  
Taeyong paused and squinted as a burly figure zigzagged through the crowds towards him.  
It was Jaehyun alright but he was almost unrecognizable. The younger was in a suit, smart and proper and Taeyong could imagine that if he had not been running on his way, the suit would be poshly ironed.  
‘Sorry, I’m late,’ Jaehyun huffed, puffing clouds of mist as he panted.  
‘Whatever,’ Taeyong grunted and led the way. He almost felt guilty for being so harsh on the kid when he had obviously tried his very best to make their appointment and shot a glance backward, softening when he saw Jaehyun buttoning up his corduroy coat, cheeks still pink with adrenaline. No sappy thoughts, no soft spots for Jaehyun tonight, Taeyong chided himself.

It was halfway into dinner and Jaehyun was still chattering nonstop, complaining about his rude supervisor and lazy colleagues who made him their errand boy.  
‘So as I was saying, Soohyun, that good for nothing old git, she made me pick up her laundry! I mean, I wanted to tell her that the design made her look like she aged thirty years, but I didn’t want to get assigned more work so I shut up,’ Jaehyun whined indignantly. He paused to take another slurp of noodles. ‘Don’t even know how all these people got their law degrees in the first place. All them lazy asses,’ Jaehyun concluded.  
Taeyong couldn’t help but snort in amusement, it was so like Jaehyun to grumble like a little kid. Dressed as an adult alright, but there was an air of immaturity than exuded from Jaehyun as if he were unforgivingly forced into the real world with adult problems and adult chores.  
‘I have it all recorded Jaehyun,’ Taeyong teased, waving his phone tauntingly, ‘I’ll be sending it to our lovely Soohyun first thing tomorrow morning.’  
‘And I’ll be getting my refund for how my tourguide just walked out on me without so much as a “goodbye” the night before,’ Jaehyun announced.  
Damn, he really shouldn’t have underestimated the boy, Taeyong thought.  
‘But really Tae, thanks for the porridge, it’s been a while since I last had anything homemade.’  
Tae. That nickname, it was back again. No feelings tonight Taeyong, he reminded himself for the millionth time that night.

-

Time spent with Taeyong had the magical effect of washing away the exhaustion from work. Soon enough, Jaehyun was whizzed into a world that merely consisted of ‘oohs’ and ‘ahs’ as he basked in the glory of one landmark to the next. Taeyong had suggested they board a touring bus that stopped at several well-known places in the city centre.  
‘Tae, the windows are foggy. Let’s go up to the upper deck!’ Jaehyun practically clapped his hands together at the ingenious idea.  
Taeyong didn’t want to be a spoil sport but with the rushing wind, it wasn’t the best idea to ride al fresco. They would either get a frostbite or even worse, catch a cold. Taeyong hated colds. Tissues strewn on the floor, noses running like malfunctioning taps, it was a nightmare for a clean freak like himself.  
Jaehyun left no time for protests as he tugged Taeyong’s sleeve and guided him toward the upper deck. There was no one in sight, because who in their right mind would willingly leave themselves at the mercy of the winter cold?

As expected, the wind slapped against their faces and Taeyong could barely keep his eyes open.  
‘Tae, scootch in!’ Jaehyun shoved him lightly before huddling against the older boy.  
All Taeyong could hear in the minutes that followed were the raging wind that lapped against their cheeks and Jaehyun’s hearty laughter that sounded like melodious hiccups.  
‘Tae, loosen up a little!’ Jaehyun shouted in between giggles, ‘It’s time you lived a little!’ Jaehyun poked at Taeyong’s sides, sending jitters up his spine and with that Taeyong let out a laugh that was unheard of in years. This must be how it felt to be free, to be wholly and completely free. Taeyong couldn’t help but join in the younger’s glee.

The bus had made several stops already but the pair had no intention of hopping off any time soon. They were still enjoying the momentary freedom where they could be just Taeyong the 23-year-old and Jaehyun the 21-year-old. No burdens, no work, just the sweet taste of freedom.

The bus was chugging down a steep, winding road when suddenly, it screeched to a halt, sending both boys hurtling forward. Jaehyun was gripping the railing in front of him but instinctively, he let go and Taeyong felt a pair of arms wrapped around his frame, warm skin and muscle colliding into his own, followed by a painful thump when his protective bubble hit the seat in front. Taeyong opened his eyes slowly to find Jaehyun at the edge of his seat, half his body smothering Taeyong. Jaehyun was the protective bubble. As cliché as it sounded, it was as if time had stopped when Jaehyun’s gaze met Taeyong’s, yet the moment passed as quickly as it had happened.  
‘We would like to apologise for the emergency halt,’ a mechanical voice echoed from the loudspeaker. Something about a dog obstructing the road or something. Taeyong really couldn’t care less.

The rest of the journey was frightfully quiet and Jaehyun muttered something about being cold and suggested they move back to the lower deck. From the corner of his eye, Taeyong could vaguely see the younger massaging his right upper back, presumably the injury he had sustained when the collision happened. And he had done it for Taeyong. For a second, Taeyong considered offering to buy him some ointment but quickly brushed the thought aside. It was an accident, inexplicable things happen, no need to get caught up. Once again, no feelings tonight Taeyong, he thought.

Their meeting concluded at the next stop and after a few mumbled ‘goodbyes’, Jaehyun was glad it had ended. He had had the time of his life, up until the accident when he found himself wrapping his arms around Taeyong.  
Shit, that was awkward.  
Why, of all the things he could have done, did he react that way? True, there was something so captivatingly fragile about the older boy that triggered a protective instinct in him. The fact that Taeyong was all but skin and bones was so disconcertingly beautiful. No, it couldn’t be that. Out of all his friends back in the States, whether they be timid or confident, small or burly, Jaehyun had never felt the same tingle he felt when he was with Taeyong. He recalled hearing Taeyong laugh, a loud squawking noise that reminded him the bird sanctuary in his hometown, so out of place amongst Taeyong’s other pristine features, but it had felt so… right and so satisfying.  
Jaehyun paused in his tracks.  
What would that make of him then? It was then that panic began creeping up his throat. No, it couldn’t be it. He had dated so many girls before. Seulbi, Rachel, Amanda, Lauren… More than he could count. That couldn’t be it. He refused to add Taeyong onto the list, he refused to add a guy to the list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Here are more speedy updates because I'll be starting an internship next week and presumably will have a lot less time to write. Hopefully, I'll manage to write some more in advance and save them for next week. 
> 
> It's a lot of groundwork laid in the beginning of this chapter, I hope you guys didn't find it too boring, but here we have Taeyong residing back into his shell and blocking any thought of Jaehyun being something more than a client out... unsuccessfully. We'll see how it all unfolds with Jaehyun discovering (and hopefully manning up to, maybe?) an insecurity he had never known.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading once again!
> 
> Comment, subscribe and send kudos!
> 
> P.S. sending love to guest reader G! If you're reading this, I just want to thank you for leaving the first comment on my story! Hope this chapter didn't disappoint x
> 
> Lots of love x


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Tae! Come on! Don’t tell me you don’t feel anything for me,’ Yuta was practically shouting now. ‘I’m sorry I left and I’m sorry that I hurt you, but now I’m back and I know I really need you in my life,’ Yuta tightened his grip on Taeyong’s wrist again.  
> Taeyong was different now.

Jaehyun stretched and groaned. How was it only Tuesday? It felt like weeks since he had arrived in Seoul, yet it was only his second day at work. More coffee runs, laundry pickups and proof-readings. Great. 

To Jaehyun’s surprise, his second day wasn’t as terrible as the first. He was introduced to the other two trainees that morning as the entire department gathered in the conference room.  
‘Hi, I’m Doyoung,’ a rather distinct-looking boy introduced himself, clasping Jaehyun’s hand for a gruff handshake. The man couldn’t have been much older than Jaehyun himself and much like all the other trainees he had known, Doyoung seemed to come from a wealthy background – watches, leather Oxfords and tortoiseshell specs.  
‘I’m Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul,’ the other said, and Jaehyun found himself instinctively repeating the few syllables he could remember. Chitta-something. Lee-ah-por-. Dammit, what was it again? The man seemed to find it amusing and added, ‘Just call me Ten.’ Jaehyun returned a meek smile. At least this colleague of his felt more humanly. 

The tasks Jaehyun were given today were less tedious than the last. At least it involved a bit of lawyering, bits and pieces he had acquired from law school put to good use. It was as if he had proved himself worthy the day before that they could finally trust him enough to hand him case files and draft correspondences. The sad jobs were left to Ten who was obviously struggling with the coffee order. Doyoung, on the other hand, was probably the son of the branch manager or something, Jaehyun thought, because his cubicle was evidently larger than the other two. It was also fully-equipped, phone lines and functional computers (a gleaming Mac too, instead of a run-down old Microsoft like the one Jaehyun had). Another one of those kids.

By the end of the day, Jaehyun had developed a soft spot for Ten. Despite the other being years older, Jaehyun couldn’t help but sympathise because he, too, had borne the brunt of everyone’s unwanted attention, he had once been the errand boy too.  
Jaehyun and Ten had bonded over coffee that afternoon, or rather, coffee-distributing.  
‘Sir, here’s your grande, iced latte with soy milk,’ Ten recited, putting down a cup on their supervisor’s desk.  
‘Donald, the decaf, latte with extra shot, low-fat milk you ordered.’  
It was as if this were the first challenge they were given to test their memory, Jaehyun mused.  
Jaehyun had politely declined when Ten went around earlier to ask for coffee orders. One less order, one less chore for the poor guy, Jaehyun thought. He would run down to pick up his own cup later.  
‘Hey, Jaehyun, not sure what you wanted so I got you an Americano,’ Ten was finished with his coffee duties. He thumped the cup a bit too forcefully on Jaehyun’s desk, liquid sloshing over the brim, leaving puddles of sad beverage on Jaehyun’s case files.  
‘Shit!’ Ten cursed, fetching towels from the pantry in a hurry.  
‘Hey no, no, thanks for the coffee. And don’t fret, I was just about to shred these files anyway. Gordon said he didn’t need them anymore.’  
‘Phew,’ Ten sighed, his tensed shoulders relaxing and leaned on Jaehyun’s desk panting.  
‘How’s your first day been?’ Jaehyun enquired, taking a sip from the cup.  
‘What do you think?’ Ten rolled his eyes. So the boy did have some sass hidden under that mask of obedience.  
Jaehyun learned that Ten was also an expat and that he had arrived in Korea just a day ago from Thailand. A fresh graduate like himself but two years older, Ten had rented a cheap place in Myeongdong that he shared with a college kid. We should hang out sometime, Ten suggested, and for once, Jaehyun felt like he had met someone from the firm he could actually befriend.

It was 7:30pm and the lights were beginning to flicker shut, yet Jaehyun was still loaded with files to be read and emails that ‘must be sent out before 8am tomorrow’, so said the post it the secretary had delivered to him from Gordon his supervisor. Jaehyun glared at the pile before him as if it would magically sort itself out. No luck. Ten was also at his desk, sorting out binders. Looking over at prince Doyoung’s cubicle, Jaehyun almost found it hilarious that he was nowhere to be seen. Manager’s son alright. 

Jaehyun had been looking forward to his appointment with Taeyong. He needed to take a breather from work. He glanced at the clock again. If he were efficient, he might still be able to make it. He could finish his work in half an hour, take a cab instead of the metro, and possibly still arrive before 8:30pm. However, a small voice in his head nagged him to skive the appointment. You don’t want to let yourself get too close Jaehyun. You can’t feel anything more for Taeyong. Who even is he to you?  
The reminder of his internal turmoil the night before was enough to make Jaehyun pull out his phone and shoot Taeyong a text.  
‘Sorry, overtime tonight. Can’t make it. See you tomorrow.’  
‘K’ was the reply.

-

To be honest, Taeyong was actually disappointed as he reread Jaehyun’s text for the seventh time, but he shouldn’t be. He shrugged it off and walked to the front desk where he found Mark entertaining a customer.  
Taeyong was just about to turn back into the back office when he heard a familiar chuckle. ‘Well, well, if it isn’t Lee Taeyong,’ followed by a snide laugh.  
Shit. Taeyong had never wished he were invisible as much as he did then, but he didn’t have any other options. He could do this. He could pretend nothing ever happened.  
Pulling on the best smile he could master, he swerved and sure enough, he was looking at the most charming grin plastered on the face of Nakamoto Yuta.  
‘Long time no see,’ Yuta stuck out his hand for a handshake.  
‘Long time no see,’ Taeyong echoed, not bothering to meet Yuta’s handshake. It was as if Yuta had seen it coming that he withdrew his hand and sat down.  
‘Come on, Tae, what have you guys got here?’ Yuta picked up a laminated sheet that was lying on the counter. ‘Plan A, Plan B, Plan C… Which ones are you in charge of? I’ll take that.’  
Tae. It was there again. Taeyong gritted his teeth. He couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him, and most of all, he couldn’t let his feelings show.  
‘What do you want, Yuta? I’m not in the mood today. If you want to barge into my life again, I suggest you leave,’ Taeyong’s voice was monotonous.  
‘Ouch,’ Yuta sounded genuinely hurt.  
Mark was finally done entertaining his customer and had proceeded to Taeyong’s side, seating himself opposite Yuta.  
‘Hi there, I see you’re an old friend of Taeyong’s!’  
‘Old, very old indeed. But not quite a friend. We’re not just friends, are we Tae?’ Yuta smirked again and shot Taeyong a wink. Taeyong wanted to throw up.  
Mark was either inconceivably dense or too polite to oppose that he had agreed to Yuta signing up for another one of those ‘customizable packages’ that weren’t even officially on offer. ‘I’ll take Taeyong,’ Yuta concluded, as if there was ever any suspense in that.  
For once, Taeyong wished he were Mark’s supervisor. On most days, Taeyong was glad there was someone else responsible such that he didn’t have to make any decisions or take the blame. But now, he couldn’t turn down the deal Mark had concluded.  
‘Great,’ Mark said, swiping Yuta’s credit card, ‘I’ll leave you two alone to discuss what to do and where to visit.’

The storefront counter had never seemed so narrow, Taeyong thought. With Yuta leaning forwards, the distance had closed between the two and the Japanese man was too close for Taeyong’s comfort.  
‘You look good,’ Yuta stated matter-of-factly. His voice had a kind of softness to it and the earlier taunts and teases had disappeared. ‘I’ve missed you,’ he said naturally as if they were long-time lovers.  
Taeyong continued to stare at his notepad and ignored the confession. He would be professional. ‘So tell me what you would like to do these few days.’  
‘I’ve missed you Tae. Ever since I left, I couldn’t stop thinking about you,’ Yuta was growing impatient, tired of being ignored, Taeyong could hear the whines in his tone.  
‘How about I bring you to the DDP in Dongdaemun on Day 1. You can do some shopping there and-’ Taeyong was cut short as he felt Yuta’s bony fingers clasp his wrist. Taeyong pulled free instinctively as if struck by lightning.  
‘Tae! Come on! Don’t tell me you don’t feel anything for me,’ Yuta was practically shouting now. ‘I’m sorry I left and I’m sorry that I hurt you, but now I’m back and I know I really need you in my life,’ Yuta tightened his grip on Taeyong’s wrist again.  
Taeyong was different now. For months after Yuta left, he had bawled his eyes out, thinking himself useless and worthless that Yuta, the only person he had truly loved was leaving him for another country and… another person. He still remembered that humid spring evening when Yuta announced that ‘Tae, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.’ Taeyong was lost for words then. ‘Tae, I met someone else. This girl I met in college and she’s Japanese too. She wants me to move back to Osaka with her and that would make my family happy too.’ Yuta had played the family card. He knew Taeyong had a weak spot for happy families, that he placed family over everything, solely because he never actually had one. It was just to shroud the fact that Yuta didn’t love him anymore, that Taeyong had been replaced. 

‘I need you in my life,’ Yuta repeated, shaking Taeyong’s wrist lightly.  
‘But I don’t.’ Taeyong rose from his seat and walked away, leaving a small post it on the counter of the details of their next appointment.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Who is he?’ the taller man asked in fluent Korean. Again, Jaehyun thanked his Korean drama binge.  
> Indeed, who was he to Taeyong?  
> ‘Another client. I’m meeting him after this,’ Taeyong replied swiftly. So Jaehyun really was plainly another client. The atmosphere was unbearably tense and ironic that for the first time in days, the air felt so stuffy even when the wind was picking up as the night descended.  
> ‘Well, Mr. Another-client. Taeyong will be with you in… precisely 12 minutes,’ the tall stranger announced. He swung his arm over Taeyong’s shoulders and gave him a light squeeze. As if on cue, Taeyong began to move forwards and Jaehyun was left with a gaping hole in his mouth.

At 10am the next morning, Taeyong was seated in the office, dreading the arrival of his customer. He was proud that he had been able to keep himself together the night before when he faced the one person who had broken him years ago. Today would be no different.

Yuta arrived soon enough and Taeyong remained considerably distant, only speaking when it was absolutely necessary. It was almost as if Yuta didn’t get the message and he kept trying to initiate physical contact, shuffling way too close on bus rides and slinging his arm over Taeyong as they travelled from one location to the next. It was painful for Taeyong having to wrench himself from someone who used to mean the world to him. Taeyong couldn’t be happier when the alarm beeped at 6pm. First day of hell and he had survived.

‘I’ll text you,’ Yuta hollered as he boarded the metro, waving goodbye to Taeyong who barely even looked back as he ran out of the station. 

-

Jaehyun appeared earlier than usual and Taeyong heaved a sigh of relief when he saw the younger seated with a stack of papers in hand at the front desk back at the office. ‘Hi Tae,’ Jaehyun smiled when Taeyong came into sight and Taeyong had never felt so at ease. 

They were back to the routinely dinner with Jaehyun ranting about his superiors as usual and making cocky retorts. Halfway through dinner, Taeyong’s phone began to buzz and he excused himself from the table. ‘Tae,’ it was Yuta and he was drunk, ‘I miss you baby and I’m sorry, I really am.’  
‘Go home Yuta,’ Taeyong answered, surprised by his own coldness. He could feel Jaehyun looking at him already and hastily ended the call.  
If Jaehyun was curious about the call, he didn’t show it and they quickly paid the bill and moved on to the next location.

-

It was only Tuesday night but the streets of Hongdae were packed. The pair were exceptionally enthusiastic that night. Jaehyun was feeling giddy because he had finally cleared all his tasks at hand and because Doyoung finally had to work overtime while he and Ten were allowed to leave. Taeyong was just glad Yuta was out of sight and Jaehyun’s mere presence was soothing somehow.  
Jaehyun seemed so out of place in his pressed suit but he didn’t seem to care, bounding from stall to stall checking out cheap deals. 

Taeyong learnt that Jaehyun was a sock collector. ‘For starters, I’ve never heard of anyone who collects socks,’ Taeyong deadpanned, ‘And secondly, are you secretly fifty or something? I swear it’s a past time for people way beyond retirement.’  
‘Shut up,’ Jaehyun whacked him on the back with his briefcase.

The night would have been perfect if not for Taeyong’s constantly buzzing phone. Jaehyun had noticed it too, especially when he saw the concerned expression on Taeyong’s face as he scrolled through them.  
‘Is everything okay? We can call it a day if you have something urgent to attend to,’ Jaehyun offered.  
‘No, no, no,’ the last thing Taeyong wanted was for his past to catch up with his current life. ‘It’s just an old friend. It’s nothing important.’  
‘If you say so,’ Jaehyun mumbled. Old friend my ass, he thought. He wasn’t nosey but he wasn’t stupid either. Jaehyun had clearly seen a few heart emojis and phrases ranging from ‘I miss you’ to ‘I love you baby’. He cringed at the thought of Taeyong at the receiving end of these proclamations but quickly pushed his emotions aside. Taeyong was just a friend.

Minutes later, Taeyong’s phone rang and he scuttled away before answering. Jaehyun could hear him hissing at the caller but the caller must have said something right because Taeyong suddenly softened and grew silent.

When Taeyong returned to Jaehyun’s side, Jaehyun couldn’t contain his curiosity. He knew it wasn’t in his place to poke his nose into someone else’s business but it bugged him that someone else was treating Taeyong in a way that left him so uncomfortable.  
‘Who was that?’ Jaehyun asked cautiously.  
‘Same person, an old friend,’ Taeyong answered with an air of finality and Jaehyun didn’t push it.

They strolled along Hongdae some more and Jaehyun spotted a busking stand and motioned Taeyong to follow.  
It was a trio – guitarist, drummer and vocalist performing an acoustic rendition of ‘Brave’. ‘Say what you wanna say; And let the words fall out; Honestly I wanna see you be brave…’ the chorus was Jaehyun’s favourite part as he hummed to the music.

Say what you want to say. It sounded so easy yet what did Jaehyun want to say? He looked at the older boy next to him, so focused on the performance, wide eyes gleaming in the musky night. Taeyong seemed less composed than the first time they had met, hair no longer perfectly styled yet his silver locks still made him look more angelic than ever. His chiseled jaw seemed to relax with every note and his breaths became regular as opposed to the tension cooped up inside of him when he was on the phone. 

It was then that Jaehyun realised how thinly Taeyong was dressed, a mere long-sleeved top and a denim jacket, hardly sufficient against the piercing cold. Jaehyun shrugged off his coat and placed it over Taeyong’s shoulders without even properly registering what he was doing. If Jaehyun was taken aback by what he had just done, Taeyong was twice as shocked as his head turned swiftly to look at Jaehyun.  
‘What-’ Taeyong was peeling the coat off already.  
‘Shhh keep it on. I can’t have my tourguide catch a cold, can I? Or else who would bring me around?’ Jaehyun spoke while keeping his eyes glued to the performance, too embarrassed to look at Taeyong. 

‘Say what you wanna say; And let the words fall out; Honestly I wanna see you be brave…’ It was the chorus again. 

-

Jaehyun had demanded Taeyong keep his jacket, at least for as long as their tour lasted. It was a mashup of lame excuses – not wanting Taeyong to get sick because he couldn’t afford his money going to waste since he had paid for his services or because colds were contagious and he didn’t want Taeyong to spread it to him. The irony was that Jaehyun was clear that didn’t mean anything he said. It all translated into ‘don’t catch a cold because I care too much.’

For some reason that Jaehyun could not fathom, the unknown caller bugged him more than it should. Whoever was pestering Taeyong must’ve been really close with him what with all the nicknames and confessions. Taeyong had been quieter than usual that night and only briefly returned to his happier self when they were at the busking booth. 

‘Sorry for missing the appointment yesterday,’ Jaehyun had apologized.  
‘’S okay,’ Taeyong murmured. He had looked so petite under Jaehyun’s jacket that was two sizes too big for his bony frame.  
‘You know you can always talk to me if something’s bothering you, right Tae?’ Jaehyun had said.  
‘Mhm…’ Taeyong hummed in acknowledgment.  
Taeyong was a hard nut to crack but they still had a good four days, Jaehyun hoped that it would be enough to figure him out.

-

Jaehyun’s third day at the office whizzed past. With Doyoung’s obnoxious gloating about all his prior experience at another firm, Jaehyun was just glad to go.  
‘Hey, do you think you can make Thursday night?’ Ten shouted after him as Jaehyun walked to the lobby.  
‘What for?’  
‘Club night. It’s my college roommate’s birthday and I don’t want to be the only over-aged grandpa!’  
‘Sorry Ten, I have plans. Maybe next week!’ Jaehyun was thrilled to be leaving work a few hours early. His supervisor was on a business trip and everyone else took it as an opportunity to wrap up early. It was barely 5pm and the sun was just beginning to set. His limbs were on autopilot, directing him to Taeyong’s office in Myeongdong.

‘Hi Mark,’ Jaehyun greeted the lanky boy, ‘Where’s Taeyong?’  
‘He’ll be back soon, he’s out with another client,’ Mark poured him a cup of ready-made coffee. It was sour and bitter and paled in comparison to those extracted from ground beans at the office.  
Jaehyun was surprised to hear about Taeyong’s ‘other client’ but it was stupid. Of course Taeyong had more than one client. He was a tourguide afterall, it would be worrying if he didn’t. 

Jaehyun left the tourguide office and loitered around Myeongdong alone, an area all too familiar from his first day in Seoul.

Oomph. A bony shoulder nudged into the spot where Jaehyun had collided onto the railing while protecting Taeyong that night on the bus. The bruise still ached.  
‘Sorry,’ the man replied off-handedly. ‘As I was saying, Tae…’ the man continued, looking at the other next to him, and Jaehyun froze in his tracks. The silver dye was unmistakeable as he backtracked and faced Taeyong and the taller man next to him.  
‘Taeyong,’ Jaehyun breathed stupidly. He wasn’t sure what he should’ve said next but all he knew was that he didn’t like the way the taller man was standing so close to Taeyong.  
‘Jaehyun!’ Taeyong sounded almost relieved.  
‘Who is he?’ the taller man asked in fluent Korean. Again, Jaehyun thanked his Korean drama binge.  
Indeed, who was he to Taeyong?  
‘Another client. I’m meeting him after this,’ Taeyong replied swiftly. So Jaehyun really was plainly another client. The atmosphere was unbearably tense and it was so ironic that for the first time in days, the air felt so stuffy even when the wind was picking up as the night descended.  
‘Well, Mr. Another-client. Taeyong will be with you in… precisely 12 minutes,’ the tall stranger announced. He swung his arm over Taeyong’s shoulders and gave him a light squeeze. As if on cue, Taeyong began to move forwards and Jaehyun was left with a gaping hole in his mouth. 

-

Jaehyun wasn’t so sure if he wanted to see Taeyong that night anymore. Those 12 minutes felt like eternity as he trudged along the once enthralling streets that were exciting no longer. All he could picture was how the stranger seemed utterly smitten with Taeyong, and given how handsome the taller man was, Jaehyun wouldn’t be surprised if Taeyong felt the same. 

‘Hey Jaehyun, Taeyong just got back,’ Mark signaled to the back office.  
I know, Jaehyun thought.  
Taeyong plodded out in the jacket Jaehyun had left him. A phrase exploded like fireworks in Jaehyun’s mind: just another client, just another client, just another client…  
‘Sorry, I got caught up with my previous client, I swear I’m usually on time,’ Taeyong rambled. He was 2 minutes late and it was so unlike him.  
‘Nothing to be sorry about, it’s not like this appointment means anything,’ Jaehyun retorted sharply. It did mean something to me, but obviously not to you, was what he had wanted to say. 

Jaehyun turned down every single one of Taeyong’s proposals that night. Part of him felt like Taeyong deserved it and part of him just wanted to retaliate because for some inexplicable reason, seeing Taeyong with another man made his heart wrench. 

‘There’s nothing more to do at this hour,’ Taeyong was close to giving up. He didn’t know why Jaehyun was being so picky tonight. On all their previous appointments, Jaehyun simply went along with anything Taeyong suggested because ‘it’s the company that matters’, Jaehyun had said.

The night dragged on with few conversations exchanged between the two, masked by an air of discomfort. Throughout the night, all Jaehyun could think of was the obvious history between Taeyong and the stranger but he knew he shouldn’t care. The way the stranger called him ‘Tae’ and how he shifted comfortably next to Taeyong, it was all too much for Jaehyun. Fuck that. If Taeyong had said he was ‘just another client’, then he would assume the role and be just that.

-

Taeyong’s mind was cluttered when he finally got home. Yuta’s sudden reappearance threw his thoughts into frenzy as all the hurt and disappointment flooded back to haunt him. Jaehyun had been the only pleasant thing in his life these days, yet even Jaehyun seemed to be shying away from him. He had been so distant tonight and they didn’t even get anything done. Taeyong was increasingly dreading the arrival of the weekend because that would mean his time with Jaehyun would end and he wasn’t sure he could deal with life on his own right now, especially with Yuta’s disconcerting presence.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slip of tongue, and Taeyong immediately wished he could take it back, ‘Why do you care? This thing we have going on, it was all part of a damn contract you signed.’  
> That was enough to silence Jaehyun. It was all part of the package that they were now standing in one of the most romantic places in Seoul. It was all part of the package that they had felt so free and liberated in each other’s company on the bus that night. It was all part of the package that Taeyong took care of Jaehyun and made him hot food when he was ill. Jaehyun thought he could throw up then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added timestamps to this chapter and will do the same for the upcoming few chapters, just because TY and Jaehyun don't really see each other much and kind of go about their own lives. It was slightly confusing when I reread my own writing because I wanted to make sure I wrote from both points of view since they both have a backstory... Hope it's not too hard to follow! If there's anything with the timeframe that you don't understand, do drop a comment!
> 
> Back to the plot, please don't hate Jaehyun for being a complete asshole... He's just had a lapse of judgment I swear :')
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading guys! 

Thursday

The following day, Yuta missed his slot after telling Taeyong that he had something to handle in Busan and Taeyong thanked all the gods he did not believe in for the miracle.

So when Taeyong finally met Jaehyun that evening, he was in the best of spirits. ‘Jae, do you want to visit the Namsan Tower tonight?’ Taeyong proposed. It was a beautiful December’s night, not as cold as the previous few days, but frosty enough for snow to rest on the sidewalk and rooftops.  
Jaehyun seemed to be feeling less grouchy today and agreed to the suggestion.

The night had completely descended by the time they reached the top of the mountain. The Tower loomed over them. Just like the guardian of the city, Jaehyun remembered his mother telling him.

The frosty night did little to reduce the flow of visitors. It had begun to snow and Taeyong was grateful Jaehyun had spared him his jacket. Once they alighted at the podium, they were faced with the most enthralling view. Light cottony flakes wafting down from the dusky sky, the air cloudy from the small puffs of warmth radiating from the chatter of young lovers. Christmas was just around the corner and the trees were garnished with a thin later of frost, ornamental and embellished. If the pair had ever witnessed anything roughly comparable to the sight they were facing now, it was consigned to history, because right there, it was as if they had stepped into the most bewitching snowglobe.

‘Wow,’ Jaehyun breathed and scanned the expansive view. It seemed like his moodiness had dissipated and Taeyong was eternally grateful. It was dark but they could still make out the small bamboo houses lining slopes, buses chugging along the highway and clusters of people making their way home in the cold. The city was glimmering – streetlights, billboards, storefronts, an observable buzzing that resonated and vibrated from the streets below.

‘Seoul’s not too shabby, is it?’ Taeyong gave Jaehyun a light shove.  
‘It’s so much better than ‘not shabby’,’ Jaehyun purred.

They were standing on a platform now, looking over the railings at the sparkly cityscape. The rails were adorned with locks that bore testament to the love and adoration various couples had professed throughout the years.

‘Look at this Jaehyun,’ Taeyong pulled Jaehyun toward him and Jaehyun felt his heart leap dangerously.  
‘S&K, 1988,’ Taeyong read, thumb brushing the scrawny lettering, ‘It’s been exactly twenty years, I wonder if they’re still happily together.’  
‘They’ve got to be,’ Jaehyun reassured. Taeyong had never struck him as a romanticist but he had guessed wrong.  
‘To my first love, Jisung oppa. You never knew my name but yours was stuck in my head since the first day we met,’ Jaehyun read, cradling another lock in his palm, ‘Sappy but depressing. Unrequited love.’

‘How was your first crush like?’ Taeyong asked abruptly.  
‘She was… kind,’ Jaehyun couldn’t think of a better word and Taeyong noted how the first trait that came to the younger’s mind was not ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ or worse, ‘sexy’, but ‘kind’. It reflected the type of person Jaehyun was.  
‘She had the most pleasing smile, you know the type that makes your heart glow when you see it?’ Jaehyun paused and thought, like your’s Taeyong.  
‘Yeah,’ Taeyong murmured.  
‘We met in high school, still kids then. I’m not even sure I knew what being with someone even meant. I just knew I couldn’t stop thinking about her and that I wanted to protect her.’  
Protection, attention and consideration. That was what love was to Jaehyun, Taeyong thought.  
‘You did know what love meant, even as a kid, Jaehyun,’ Taeyong fumbled with the other locks absentmindedly, ‘Tons of people way older than you haven’t been able to figure that out but I think you already did at the age of…’  
‘15,’ Jaehyun filled in.  
Another pause.

‘How about you? How was your first crush like?’ It was Jaehyun’s turn to ask.  
‘He was…’ The pronoun stood out to Jaehyun. He.  
‘He was kind… when he felt like it. Loving too, when he had time for me,’ Taeyong’s tone was filled with bitterness or sadness, Jaehyun couldn’t decode. Yet something was so wrong from the way Taeyong had described it, as if he were an object that could be discarded at will and retrieved again when the owner desired.  
‘He was from Japan, an exchange student at Seoul University. I never went to college but we met through a mutual friend and that night he was so nice to me, listening to all my troubles. He was the first person who spared me a glance when I was struggling with my family and finances,’ Taeyong explained.  
Jaehyun had never heard about Taeyong’s family. It had always seemed like a taboo and Jaehyun didn’t have the heart to pry.  
‘He seems nice,’ Jaehyun prompted, ‘Then what happened?’  
‘He left.’  
Simple as that.  
‘I’m sorry Tae.’  
‘Don’t be.’

Jaehyun knew it wasn’t the time to lecture the older, but he couldn’t help it. He had had his share of doubts regarding the identity of the Japanese boy that was with Taeyong that day in Myeongdong. It was an image emblazoned in Jaehyun’s memory and he couldn’t shake it off.  
‘You’re so much better than that, you know Tae? Why did you let him? Why do you still let him put his arms around you?’ It came out harsher than Jaehyun had anticipated.  
‘What do you mean let him?’ Taeyong was getting defensive, ‘So it’s my fault now that my ex has come for me?’  
That wasn’t what Jaehyun had meant. He just wanted to hear Taeyong say ‘No, him and I are over’. Or, ‘don’t worry Jaehyun, he means nothing to me’.  
Taeyong’s voice was raised, ‘I didn’t let him do any of that. You have no idea what I’ve been through so you have no right to judge.’  
‘I didn’t mean it that way, Tae,’ Jaehyun clarified but it was too late.  
‘Just because you paid for this, whatever this is, you think you’re so much better. Just because you’re earning big bucks and shit, you think you can judge me,’ Taeyong was dangerously calm now.  
‘I’m not judging you, I just…’ Jaehyun was cut off.  
A slip of tongue, and Taeyong immediately wished he could take it back, ‘Why do you care? This thing we have going on, it was all part of a damn contract you signed.’  
That was enough to silence Jaehyun. It was all part of the package that they were now standing in one of the most romantic places in Seoul. It was all part of the package that they had felt so free and liberated in each other’s company on the bus that night. It was all part of the package that Taeyong took care of Jaehyun and made him hot food when he was ill. Jaehyun thought he could throw up then.

-

Taeyong practically ran away from Jaehyun after their outburst and Jaehyun was left gaping at the night sky. It had been so tranquil minutes ago but now, the sky looked like it were threatening to throw a snowstorm.  
It wasn’t like Taeyong to lose composure like that. Even though they had merely known each other for less than a week, Jaehyun was confident that whatever happened between Taeyong and his ex was sufficiently traumatizing to warrant a scar as raw as that.  
But that didn’t stop Jaehyun from boiling. All he was trying to do was to comfort the older, to tell him that he wasn’t a prisoner of his past and that he had to stand up for himself. Perhaps his attitude reflected how he felt, his insides green with envy at the sight of Taeyong being coddled by the Japanese man that Jaehyun, too, lost it.  
In addition, what Taeyong had said stung. It was all part of a damn contract you signed, the words ringing like church bells in his head. Jaehyun felt so stupid. He had questioned the relationship between him and Taeyong, and even doubted his own sexuality, but all of that for what? If this was all he was getting, then fuck it, he would treat it as a ‘damn contract’ from now on.

‘Hey Ten, didn’t you say we could go clubbing tonight?’

-

 

12:30am, Friday (Jaehyun)

It had been too long since Jaehyun last went out. The strong liquor slithered down his throat and left burning tracks along his neck. The music was booming, a collection of Korean songs he didn’t really enjoy but the DJ was decent and the atmosphere bearable. ‘Cheers!’ the crowd screamed, clinking their glasses together. 

Ten had introduced Jaehyun to his roommate and moving on from that he had met a few other friends of theirs. There were also a bunch of girls in skin-tight miniskirts and dangly earrings, definitely not the type that would normally have caught Jaehyun’s attention but what the hell, he thought, he was out for some fun tonight.

‘Hey, you must be new around here,’ a girl sauntered over to Jaehyun. She couldn’t have been much younger than him. Must be a graduating senior, Jaehyun figured. Her eyeliner was sultrily smudged and her voice alluring.  
‘And you must be the most gorgeous girl around,’ Jaehyun replied. He wasn’t called a ladies’ man for nothing.  
‘Cheeky,’ the girl grinned, putting a finger on Jaehyun’s lips and dragging it down his neck. Jaehyun felt his hairs stand on its end.  
‘Dance with me…?’ Jaehyun paused and put on his most charming smile, arm outstretched and gentlemanly.  
‘Haerin,’ the girl answered, ‘We’ll see how impressed I am,’ she teased and walked past Jaehyun, heading straight for the dance floor. He was up for a challenge and the night had just begun. Jaehyun followed the girl with his head spinning from the alcohol.

The night was filled with thunderous music and bodies grinding against each other, by accident or deliberately, Jaehyun couldn’t care less. When he sunk his lips into Haerin’s it felt a lot less satisfying than he had anticipated. She tasted of cheap vodka and cigarettes and Jaehyun had to choke back a cough. It was a burning sensation alright and Haerin was nothing short of professional, running her hands downward from Jaehyun’s torso. Jaehyun’s mind was too clouded to think straight and all he wanted at that moment was to prove to Taeyong that what they had was just a business relationship. He had to prove to himself that he could have just as much fun without the older. Jaehyun set his arms on the girl’s waist, lifting her onto the tabletop. A few empty bottles were swept onto the floor, shattering into smithereens which seemed to amplify the boiling frustration that was welling up inside of Jaehyun. It was as if the more violently and passionately he mirrored the girl’s motion, the more he could get back at Taeyong. The kiss broke and Haerin’s lipstick was fiercely smeared to sexy perfection but Jaehyun felt numb. It was a good kiss, but nothing more than that. 

‘I’d say that wasn’t too bad,’ Haerin breathed, still panting lightly and tucked a stray lock behind Jaehyun’s ears, moving in to whisper, ‘You’re good.’ Then she left, hips swaying from side to side.

A few more shots later, Jaehyun’s new friends had disappeared into the crowd again which left Jaehyun to his own devices. By then, his head was throbbing in the most pleasurable way, the flashy lights blurry as he wobbled back onto the dance floor. A few more girls approached him and Jaehyun did his thing time and again – charming, gentlemanly Jaehyun. They kissed and made out, heated and lustful until one of them pulled away, having satisfied the momentary thirst.

 

2:48am, Friday (Jaehyun)

In shambles, Jaehyun decided that he had had enough. A man past twenty like him was not fit for too late a night out.

‘Oppaaaa,’ a shrill voice slurred and his arm was tucked into the hands of a college girl as he moved past the security guards and out the front door. She must be one of the girls he had met tonight, Jaehyun thought.  
Jaehyun didn’t have the energy to push her off and allowed her to perch her sticky hands on his shirt as she half-tripped, half-skipped next to him. A few more roads down and Jaehyun flagged a cab, pushed her in and left. He was still due in for work at 9am and he couldn’t help but wonder how Ten was going to make his appearance at the office the next morning.

‘Where are you?’ Jaehyun’s phone vibrated and a message popped up from Taeyong.  
Jaehyun sniggered. He wanted to hurl all of Taeyong’s harsh words back at him: Why do you care? You have no right. Taeyong should know how much it hurt to be on the receiving end. Instead, Jaehyun turned off his phone and continued on his way home.

Little did he know that just across the street was a boy rooted to the spot in both shock and desperation as he held a phone in his hand, praying that the recipient would reply.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘It’s the American guy, isn’t it? Fuck, I knew it.’  
> ‘No! It’s not him, please don’t bring him into this. It’s just between you and I,’ Taeyong was practically begging now. The last thing he wanted was for Jaehyun to find out how ridiculously messed up his life was, and to find out from his ex-boyfriend, that was utterly unnecessary.  
> ‘So it is the pretty boy…’ Taeyong could hear the sly tone in Yuta’s voice as if plotting his next mission to ruin Taeyong’s life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuta becomes a massive asshole - I'm so sorry Yuta stans!! I swear I love him too, but the plot just kind of snowballed until he became this terrible antagonist I'm sorry!!
> 
> Also, do continue to note the timestamps because I'm trying to write in both Taeyong and Jaehyun's POV so the time kind of overlaps since they're not constantly next to each other.

11:30pm, Thursday (Taeyong)

Taeyong felt like an idiot. He had blurted a string of things he didn’t mean at the Tower when what he had actually wanted to say was ‘thank you’. He wanted to thank Jaehyun for making him smile in the short few days that they had met and tell Jaehyun that he had never felt as free as that night on the double-decker. But all that came out were distorted phrases tied loosely together that conveyed the exact opposite. Taeyong had been defensive when Jaehyun mentioned Yuta. He knew Jaehyun didn’t mean any harm when he reminded Taeyong to stay away from his ex, but he had wanted to prove to himself that he had escaped from Yuta’s hold so bad that he had deflected those emotions onto Jaehyun.

That night, Taeyong ran from the podium of Namsan Tower and bounded downhill. He couldn’t wait for the cable car and the thought of possibly being locked in a tiny compartment with Jaehyun was suffocating. He couldn’t face Jaehyun yet, not when his emotions were all over the place.

Taeyong hurtled down the wooden planks, two steps per stride. His joints were screaming at him to stop, the injuries he had sustained a few years ago were sore from the sudden exertion. It was quite a feat if you viewed it objectively, Taeyong mused as he saw the end of the steps. He had never been an athlete, yet the hike down which was supposed to take half an hour, he had completed using merely three-quarters of the time.

 

By the time he boarded the bus home, he was panting like a mad dog. The adrenaline had subsided and all that was left in its place was the agonizing pain in his legs. Damn those factory days.

Jaehyun used to joke about how Taeyong was an old man, always two steps behind the younger. Taeyong never told Jaehyun, but there was something reassuring about watching the younger in front of him, making sure he didn’t get lost in the crowd. But perhaps Jaehyun was right, he really was a creaky old man. 

Taeyong trudged up the steep hill. The alleys were eerily quiet at this time of the day. Taeyong hadn’t even realised but the clock was about to strike midnight. His legs were numb already, yet he toiled forward as his jaws clenched in discomfort.

 

When Taeyong was young, he used to kneel by his bed-ridden mother who told him stories of a fictional life that the young boy would lead when he grew up.

‘Study hard in school baby,’ his mother had said, ‘Study hard so you won’t end up like me. Find someone you love too, not one like your father.’

Taeyong’s mother died that winter and two days later, his father had introduced a woman to the Lee household. Taeyong was to call her ‘mother’, but he did not want to. The only redeeming feature about that woman’s existence was the pleasant the children she brought with her. Two scrawny-looking twins, Haechan and Renjun, and a sweet little girl. Taeyong was the closest with Haechan and after his stepmother and father left Seoul to start a new life in Busan, Taeyong was left to care for the three youngsters.

 

12:30am, Friday (Taeyong)

Lost in thought, Taeyong realised he was already approaching the gates of his house, and there waiting for him was a figure curled up on his doorstep.

‘Yuta, what are you doing here?’ In all honesty, Taeyong felt quite guilty initially when he saw Yuta crouched down and shivering in the cold.  
Yuta looked up sheepishly, ‘Just waiting for my Taeyongie to come back. Where have you been? It’s late.’  
Taeyong melted a little at the familiar nickname but remained cold, there was no room for atonement, not now, not ever.  
‘It’s freezing out here. Please leave Yuta, I’m not your Taeyongie anymore.’ Taeyong didn’t want to look back, the past would stay in the past.  
‘Taeyong, if we could just talk this out,’ Yuta wasn’t giving up. ‘Just give me one more chance, I’ll prove to you that I’ve changed.’  
Taeyong’s wrists were gripped tightly in Yuta’s hold again, a habit the Japanese boy had picked up during their relationship, one that Taeyong loathed. He hated how strong Yuta was and how powerless he felt against Yuta’s wrath.  
‘Go,’ Taeyong’s voice was steady, ‘You were the one who left and now it’s my turn to do the same.’ Taeyong stuck the key into the lock, his other arm still burning under Yuta’s grip.  
‘Listen to me!’ Yuta was in a frenzy now, ‘I need you! Which part of that do you not understand?’ Yuta was hurting him now, his arm flailing this way and that as Yuta waved around in agitation.  
‘Yuta, please let me go.’  
‘No, we need to settle this first,’ Yuta was adamant.  
‘What is there to settle? I don’t belong to you anymore,’ Taeyong mumbled, loud enough to be heard by the other man.  
‘It’s the American guy, isn’t it? Fuck, I knew it.’  
‘No! It’s not him, please don’t bring him into this. It’s just between you and I,’ Taeyong was practically begging now. The last thing he wanted was for Jaehyun to find out how ridiculously messed up his life was, and to find out from his ex-boyfriend, that was utterly unnecessary.  
‘So it is the pretty boy…’ Taeyong could hear the sly tone in Yuta’s voice as if plotting his next mission to ruin Taeyong’s life.  
With that, Yuta let Taeyong go and jogged down the slope. Taeyong’s mind was racing – what was he to do next?

Despite the bruise that had now formed on his wrist, there was only one thing in his mind – Jaehyun. He knew how insane Yuta could be when he was mad. He had experienced it first hand while they were dating. There were times when Yuta felt insecure so he demanded Taeyong hand him his phone when they were spending time together, just to be sure that he didn’t text any other men. On the days when Yuta did feel better, Taeyong had to be equally happy. He couldn’t display any signs of exhaustion or complain about his day because Yuta was happy, so Taeyong had to be too. ‘Don’t you try to ruin my day, Taeyong,’ Yuta had said, half threateningly, half jokingly. Taeyong had always taken it seriously.

When they broke up, Taeyong’s friends had told him that he should be glad that he was finally rid of such a toxic relationship, but it was fruitless. It was like congratulating a drug addict that he had gone broke so there would be no more money to splurge on drugs. Pointless and futile. Taeyong knew what he had with Yuta was wearing him down both mentally and physically, but he had grown overly dependent on their mutually reinforcing toxicity and there was nothing he could do.

 

2:45am, Friday (Taeyong)

Taeyong was hurtling down the slope once again, cursing the gods for making him run up and down when his limbs were telling him to do was stop. He wasn’t even sure where Jaehyun was but he knew he had to get to him before Yuta and his crazy schemes found Jaehyun first.

People were pouring out of the club a few streets down, drunken men with their arms wrapped around girls in skimpy dresses, both intoxicated to their core. Taeyong scrunched up his nose when a breeze that carried an agglomeration of smoke and alcohol hit his nostrils. He was just about to cross the road when he spotted a muscular figure, white dress shirt with one too many buttons undone, a young girl tucked under his arm. If it weren’t for the striking dimpled cheeks, Taeyong would probably have walked past without another thought. Yet there he was, the man he was tracking down, the man who once wrapped his strong arms around him, but in his embrace was someone else.

Taeyong needed confirmation. It would be unfair to sentence Jaehyun just yet, right? Maybe he had an explanation for all of this, maybe this was his sister… except Jaehyun was a single child and Taeyong knew it. But he needed to know that Jaehyun had good reasons for what he was doing, good reasons for breaking Taeyong’s heart.  
‘Where are you?’, Taeyong typed. Sent. Observing the younger male on the sidewalk, he spotted Jaehyun’s phone light up. Jaehyun, please reply. Taeyong was so desperate he could almost hear his own thoughts. Jaehyun glanced at the screen, paused, then slipped it back into his pocket.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Hey easy there,’ Jaehyun shoved Yuta’s face away, ‘I’ve no clue what you’re on about or what happened between you two but it has nothing to do with me anymore.’  
> ‘Really now?’ Yuta jeered, ‘So you wouldn’t care if I took your secret lover from you? I wonder how sad Taeyong would be if he heard that coming from you, his sweet little American boy…’  
> Taeyong. The name sounded so familiar yet so distant at the same time. The fights, the anguish, the hurt, it rained down on Jaehyun again, torrential and unending.

3:08am, Friday (Jaehyun)  
Jaehyun stumbled into the flat, barely capable of putting one feet in front of the other. He was way over his alcohol limit and he knew it. Even when he was chugging down his second bottle, he could already foresee how intoxicated he’d be. And he had done all of that for what? Twenty-one years old with an esteemed job, and he was beating himself up for a man he had met less than a week ago. Maybe Taeyong was right, he was incredibly childish.

Truth be told, Jaehyun had never actually behaved this way before. Even when he was in the States, he had never been one to make out with strangers and at the very least, he would have a vague recollection of who on earth he had kissed by the time the night was over. But this time, it was different. Perhaps it was because Jaehyun had done all that out of spite for Taeyong or self-affirmation that he still had his A-game on, that he hadn’t the slightest idea what the names of the girls were or how many of them he had met. Ten and his college friends had crowned him their hero, because apparently college girls were hard to please, yet Jaehyun had the best track record of the night. He cringed at the thought. He had turned into the kind of guy he despised with a passion, the ones that tossed women aside once the moment was over, and it was all Taeyong’s fault.

-

 

8:30am, Friday (Jaehyun)

The alarm rang, shrill and clear and Jaehyun clutched his head as the sound reverberated in his skull. Hungover and heartbroken with a job to attend to in… exactly half an hour. What a splendid Friday. 

‘Wow, did you jump out of ‘The Walking Dead’ or something?,’ Ten teased in his sing-song voice, ‘Morning Jae!’  
‘What- How-?’ How was Ten so… alive and cheery?  
‘Coffee,’ Ten pointed at the stash of cups that sat in the pantry bin, tossing the twelfth cup in, ‘Score!’  
If there was one thing the trainees had learnt, it was that caffeine was the solution to all their problems. All but Jaehyun’s current heartache, he thought.

It was almost as if the heavens were scheming on how to make Jaehyun more miserable that on the only day when Jaehyun wished to be loaded with work, he wasn’t. In all his months of training, there had never been a day when he was so free with absolutely nothing urgent at hand. Apart from several research jobs, skimming through catalogues, he was pretty much idle for the rest of the day. Jaehyun needed something tedious, something cumbersome to get his mind off Taeyong and off the guilt that had begun creeping into his overly clean conscience. He wasn’t sure if he was guilty for making out with literally anyone and everyone, or if it had something to do with Taeyong, but all the same, he needed a distraction. Jaehyun had taken the liberty of crashing Ten’s cubicle, offering a helping hand but Ten had told him that it was part of an ongoing case that he had been following since Tuesday. ‘No sorry, can’t do. Just enjoy yourself while you can,’ Ten had muttered in envy.

-

7:00pm, Friday (Jaehyun)

People at the office started evacuating the minute the clock struck 7 and soon enough, it was just the three trainees left. Doyoung and Ten were still furiously attacking their keyboards while Jaehyun spun in circles on his swivel chair, elbow perched on the armrest.

‘Oh for fuck’s sake Jaehyun, just stop spinning will you?’ Doyoung was getting testy. He hadn’t worked overtime much and during the nights when he did, he never failed to display his unenthusiasm.  
‘Sorry,’ Jaehyun replied. Even he knew that he was being a nuisance this time. It was one thing having to slave through the night, and another to have a colleague empty-handed with nothing on their hands.

-

7:15pm, Friday (Jaehyun)

It was nearing 7:30pm and if Jaehyun were to make it in time for his penultimate appointment with Taeyong, he would have to leave the office now.  
Ten yawned and stretched in his seat. ‘Jae, why are you still here? Don’t you have somewhere better to be at? I’d give anything to be you, I just need to get the fuck out of here man…’  
‘I…’ Jaehyun hesitated, ‘Nah, my entire family’s in the States and you guys are all I have left.’  
‘Aw Jae,’ Ten cooed as he scuttled to Jaehyun’s seat while he was in mid spin, smothering the younger in a bear hug.  
‘Ew,’ Doyoung rolled his eyes.

After the sloppy episode, Jaehyun was back to doing nothing and he fished out his phone, punched in a text and sent it to Taeyong.  
‘Work night. Will pay next time.’  
Jaehyun sunk back into his chair. His mind was filled with nothing and everything all at the same time.

-

9:00pm, Friday (Jaehyun)

Approximately two hours later, Ten was still checking the accounts and correspondences. Jaehyun had finally given in and left the office. He wasn’t sure where he was headed with a rumbling stomach but he didn’t have much of an appetite. A few bus stops from the office, Jaehyun found himself steps away from where Taeyong worked. The wonky little neon sign to the tourguide office had turned off. He didn’t know what he was expecting to be honest. It was already 9:30pm and all but a few hawker stalls were closed. If he were hoping to see Taeyong there apologetically downcast, he had serious problems. In the distance, Jaehyun saw a recognizable figure walking steadily in his direction but it didn’t seem like Taeyong. 

‘Jaehyun, right?’ The unwelcomed intruder asked.  
‘Yuta,’ Jaehyun said curtly, not bothering to affirm what the intruder already knew.  
Out of nowhere, the Japanese man threw a punch at him and Jaehyun ducked in surprise, grateful for all the martial art classes he took as a kid.  
‘What the fuck?’ That was the best Jaehyun could muster and the most Yuta deserved from him.  
One more punch was thrown and Jaehyun wasn’t as lucky this time, Yuta’s fist colliding vigorously on his lip. Jaehyun could feel the unpalatable coppery taste and he wiped it away hastily. He would not allow Yuta to derive pleasure from that.  
‘What the fuck do you want?’ Jaehyun barked.  
‘I don’t know what kind of sick lies you’ve been feeding Taeyong, but I’m telling you, he’ll never be yours,’ Yuta hissed, his face too close for Jaehyun’s comfort.  
‘Hey easy there,’ Jaehyun shoved Yuta’s face away, ‘I’ve no clue what you’re on about or what happened between you two but it has nothing to do with me anymore.’  
‘Really now?’ Yuta jeered, ‘So you wouldn’t care if I took your secret lover from you? I wonder how sad Taeyong would be if he heard that coming from you, his sweet little American boy…’  
Taeyong. The name sounded so familiar yet so distant at the same time. The fights, the anguish, the hurt, it rained down on Jaehyun again, torrential and unending.  
‘What did you do to him?’ Jaehyun demanded, ‘I swear, if you do anything to Taeyong, I’ll fucking break you. Nakamoto, you’d wish you never came to Seoul,’ he swore.  
Objectively speaking, if anyone had been observing their exchange, they would have been bewildered to see Jaehyun receiving the blows when he was visibly so much burlier than the other. But Jaehyun had wanted to keep his composure, no point dirtying his fists with some sick bastard’s blood.  
‘I’ll be honest here, Jaehyun,’ Yuta said, and Jaehyun wondered how the pervert could even make a name sound so insulting, ‘What you and Taeyong have got here, it sounds like modern-day Romeo and Juliet. Taeyong’s like: It has nothing to do with Jaehyun, it’s all me, and you’re like: Don’t hurt my Taeyongie, it’s touching,’ Yuta continued, ‘But what I can’t have, no one can.’ He’s sick, so sick and depraved, Jaehyun thought, anger bubbling up but he suppressed it as a few tourists walked past in clear shock.  
‘Well, my job here is done,’ the Japanese man rubbed his palms together as if dusting off his dirty work. If it were up to him, Jaehyun would probably have knocked the life out of the man, but he knew it wasn’t in his place to decide. A swift swing and Jaehyun dealt the most satisfying blow, straight into Yuta’s side. Yuta lurched forwards then straightened up. ‘This one’s for Taeyong,’ Jaehyun declared and turned his back on the scowling man. It was Taeyong’s life but and especially with the chaos that had already ensued between the two of them, Jaehyun knew Taeyong would’ve wanted to handle it himself. But what was Jaehyun to tell him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rather short instalment but I have more in store for you guys :')   
> I said it once but I'll say it again: I LOVE NAKAMOTO YUTA TOOOOO but the initial jealousy snowballed into this massive angsty plot and I just couldn't keep myself from adding that extra oomph into Yuta @@   
> Anyway, hope the timestamps weren't too confusing and that the timeline still makes sense haha - feel free to drop a comment if there's anything you don't understand!  
> Also, I don't know how big the NCT fandom is and how many of you are NCTzens but the reception to this fic seems to pale in comparison to another EXO fic I used to write (and posted on AFF)... Kudos aside, it'd be even cooler if you guys could drop in a few constructive comments or thoughts!! 
> 
> Lots of love x


	10. Chittaphon (sorry I had to)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘You’re so gullible Lee Taeyong. I tell you you’re beautiful and you believe it without a second thought. How pitiful it must be to have to derive your self-worth from others.’ There it was, retaliation. It was always how it went – pleadings, aggression and finally, vengeance.
> 
> ‘I wonder what Jaehyun had to say to make you think you were worth his attention,’ Yuta’s monologue seemed to drawl on forever, each word felt like a fresh wound being picked at.
> 
> Taeyong held back tears, he couldn’t give Yuta the satisfaction. ‘Jaehyun’s different,’ he whispered.

7:30pm, Friday (Taeyong)

Taeyong wasn’t even surprised when he received Jaehyun’s message. He had actually hoped the younger would cancel the appointment. Taeyong wasn’t sure he could face Jaehyun now, or ever, for that matter.

The events from the night before were blurry much to Taeyong’s relief. It wasn’t something he would recall with relish. After Jaehyun had spun round the corner, Taeyong had remained paralysed for what seemed like centuries. Then about an hour later, he had found himself standing outside the gate of his house, quite unsure of how he had gotten there in the first place. Haechan had been waiting for his return, eyes wide as saucers as they lit up initially in glee, then relief and finally concern.

‘Hyung, are you alright?’ Haechan had sprinted towards him and for the first time, Taeyong noticed how tall his baby brother had become. Taeyong had taken up one too many jobs and during the rare days when he was free, his siblings were either at school or asleep. It pained him to see the three small children, hardly above the age of minority, yet never had a trusty adult to lean on. Taeyong had tried to play the part, but he was also only a young boy himself. He could only do so much.

‘Hyung, you look… terrible,’ Haechan had frowned.

‘I’m fine. Go to sleep now, don’t wait for me, I’ve still got a few things to sort out,’ Taeyong reassured, patting the younger on the head.

As headstrong as Taeyong was, his stepbrother knew it would be to avail trying to force things out of Taeyong. He’ll tell me in his own time, Haechan had thought, and sauntered unwillingly back into his room. 

That night, after he had ushered Haechan into bed, Taeyong sat on the rickety bench in their small square of a garden. He remembered when he used to come home from kindergarten. His mother would be completely soiled as she shoveled up weeds and planted in their miniature plot. Gardenias, tulips and even the occasional rose. She would pat the soil off her apron, slip off her gardening gloves and motion Taeyong to come in for a hug. And 5-year-old Taeyong would do just that. The glorious scent of her mother’s perfume, strawberries and cream, blended with the sweet smell of assorted blooms. Taeyong’s memories were fuzzy but the fragrance still fresh to his senses. Even now, when all the flowers had wilted, the plot conquered by weeds, to Taeyong, the garden was still redolent of the pleasurable springtime aroma.

 

-

 

7:35pm, Friday (Taeyong)

Taeyong was actually relieved from the knowledge that he wouldn’t have to face Jaehyun that night and busied himself with administration work at the office. Mark wanted to introduce more tourist packages, seeing as more and more customers were demanding for customizable ones now. ‘It’s proof that our current packages aren’t appealing enough,’ Mark had said. Mark had also begun to recruit new tourguides, mostly university students in the area looking for spare cash and while the younger boy interviewed the college kids, Taeyong sat next to him zoning out.

‘So, what do you think about candidate number 4?’ Mark asked expectantly.

‘Who was that again?’ Taeyong hadn’t been paying attention.

‘The guy with the accented Korean,’ Mark replied, flipping through his binder.

‘Accented Korean? You mean Mark Lee?’ Taeyong joked and was met by a harsh thump on his back.‘Just kidding. Number 4’s the Chinese guy right? Wasn’t he called Win or something?’ ‘Win Win,’ Mark corrected. ‘Yeah, that one,’ Taeyong continued, ‘I’d say it’s a pretty solid choice, given how we’ll probably be able to secure a few Chinese customers,’ then added, ‘And who doesn’t love a handsome tourguide?’

‘Talking about ourselves now, are we?’ Mark teased and Taeyong shrugged, ‘What if I am?’

Taeyong was glad that he had Mark’s company. They had never been the closest of friends but there was something about the younger that was so dependable, like a beacon of light in the dark, stronghold in the wind and rain. Taeyong never revealed much about himself but the younger took the liberty of breaking his barriers and in time, Mark had become more of a friend than a superior. 

 

-

 

9:15pm, Friday (Taeyong)

A few more rounds of interviews and unsuccessful deals later, Taeyong was released from the office. With Jaehyun wrenched from his life, it seemed almost laughable that he had returned to his routine: work, lunch, more work and now on Bus 152 shuttling his way home.

 

9:30pm, Friday (Taeyong)

Taeyong’s phone rang and his stepbrother’s toothless grin lit up the screen.

‘Haechan, what’s u-’

‘Hyung!’ His stepbrother screamed and to Taeyong’s alarm, he heard the sound of a flower pot crashing onto the cemented ground.

‘Haechan! Haechan, are you there?’ Taeyong was positively horrified now and he had caught the attention of all the passengers on the bus.

‘Hyung!’ Taeyong was put on speakerphone but all he heard were shrieks and the line went dead.

Taeyong didn’t even know it was possible for his limbs to get any colder as all the colour was drained from his hands, his face, his lips. His mouth was parched and disgusting as he punched the redial button like a madman as if his life depended on it.

The bus halted under the slope and Taeyong raced uphill, bumping into schoolchildren on their way home from tutorial classes, manners be damned.

The gate to the house was swung wide open, the concrete littered with shattered porcelain and terracotta. Taeyong bounded toward the living room and to his utter horror, he found Haechan, arms wrapped around the two other children, huddled in the corner of the room.

‘Haechan!’ Taeyong gasped, ‘Renjun! Miyoung! What happened?’ He clasped them in his arms.

‘Yuta,’ Haechan answered, a single word that clarified the situation, no explanations needed.

‘Where is he now?’ Taeyong was boiling. How could Yuta come for his family? Of all people, Yuta should have known nothing else mattered to Taeyong as much. Or maybe he did, which was why he targeted them first. Taeyong didn’t even have to wait for an answer because a menacingly quiet voice called out his name from behind, ‘Tae, you’re here.’

Adrenaline was coursing through Taeyong’s veins, else he would’ve backed down and called the cops, but seeing his siblings in utter fear had sent his mind whizzing. Taeyong stood up and turned around, mirroring Yuta’s calmness.

‘Let’s go outside,’ Taeyong said.

‘Why are you here, Yuta?’ Taeyong was both tired of having the exact same conversation again. It felt like déjà vu.

‘Because you wouldn’t listen to me yesterday. I needed to catch your attention. Desperate times call for desperate measures,’ Yuta smirked and Taeyong realised how sick the other man was. How, with the innocent children he had just terrorized and home he had ransacked, could the man still be finding hilarity in the situation?

‘I met your Romeo just now,’ Yuta announced and Taeyong froze.

‘Romeo…? Romeo- who?’ Taeyong prayed the name didn’t start with a J.

‘You know, the American dude,’ Yuta was playing with his hands now, apparently a drying stain had caught his attention. ‘He’s not much of a fighter. I expected more from him, he looked like he worked out,’ he shrugged and continued to pick on the stain.

‘What did you do to him?’ Taeyong had to steady himself, half-leaning on the bench.

‘Oh nothing much… He’s really not that interesting. And here I thought you left me for someone a bit more… intriguing, but I daresay he pales in comparison.’

‘Don’t even try to compare yourself with Jaehyun,’ Taeyong whispered.

‘Ah, so defensive again my Taeyongie. You’ve changed.’ Yuta stepped forward and placed a finger on Taeyong’s cheek, gently yet dangerously, tracing the length of his jawline. Taeyong wanted to shrink back but he was grounded. There were too many memories of a similar scene flashing back like a creaky old cassette player reeling in his mind.

Taeyong realised then that Yuta’s fingers were not the only point of contact and that the Japanese man had slinked his arms around his waist. The possessiveness reeking and stifling.

‘Let go of me,’ Taeyong wanted to fight him off but he couldn’t. He detested himself for it but he couldn’t move. Head drooped low, he didn’t want to see Yuta’s face. Taeyong was almost positive that Yuta was sniggering now, eyes glimmering with that psychotic smile of his. It used to be Taeyong’s favourite expression in the world, that look of exuberance and vivacity as if nothing could go wrong. ‘That smile of yours could cure cancer,’ he used to tell Yuta. But now, all he wanted to do was to slap that disgusting grin off the other’s face. The line between love and hatred was thin, and that of obsession and protection was thinner still.

Taeyong mustered a pathetic struggle, wrenching himself from Yuta’s arms.

‘Tae, I know somewhere deep inside you still miss me,’ Yuta’s other hand continued to stroke his face.

I don’t, I hate you, Taeyong wanted to say, but no words came out and he merely shook his head in rejection.

‘Don’t lie to me,’ Yuta’s voice raising in aggression.

It took a few more seconds before Taeyong could iterate the words that had been in his head the whole time, ‘I don’t miss you. I hate you.’

It was as if he struck a cord within Yuta that he suddenly raged and pushed Taeyong forcefully, sending him tumbling backwards. Whether the fear was greater or the pain, Taeyong didn’t know because the taller man cowered over him. ‘You think you’re oh-so precious, don’t you? Do you know how many people would kill to be with me?’

Go with them then, leave me alone, Taeyong thought but didn’t dare say a word.

‘You’re so gullible Lee Taeyong. I tell you you’re beautiful and you believe it without a second thought. How pitiful it must be to have to derive your self-worth from others.’ There it was, retaliation. It was always how it went – pleadings, aggression and finally, vengeance.

‘I wonder what Jaehyun had to say to make you think you were worth his attention,’ Yuta’s monologue seemed to drawl on forever, each word felt like a fresh wound being picked at.

Taeyong held back tears, he couldn’t give Yuta the satisfaction. ‘Jaehyun’s different,’ he whispered.

‘Oh is he? I’m telling you, once he figures out how messed up you are, he’ll turn his back on you! I thought you would finally face up to what you’re really worth Taeyong, that I’d put down my pride to save you from your miserable life. But you still think you’re so high and mighty, so full of it when in reality you’re nothing!’ Yuta pounded his fist on the bench and Taeyong jolted. He despised Yuta but he despised himself more for the effect the other had on him, rendering him powerless and deprecated, rid of self-respect and control. It was all too familiar. So many years later, Taeyong had thought he could stand up to the Japanese man, but here he was sitting on the concrete, deer in the headlights, stunned and pained at the other’s spiteful words. 

‘This is House 12, 5 Yongguk Road, just opposite the convenience store. Yes, trespassing, abuse, whatever you call it, I don’t know,’ a shaky voice resounded from behind Taeyong. It caught the attention of both men and Yuta let go of Taeyong.

‘Haechan, get back inside,’ Taeyong’s protective instincts were triggered once more.

‘N-No, hyung. The police will be here any minute now,’ Haechan stuttered.

‘Haechan, you didn’t!’ Taeyong wasn’t sure if he should be mad or happy. Mad because he didn’t want the neighbours to know about his ugly past. It was already bad enough that they knew the Lee household was messed up. They didn’t need policemen at their doorstep just to make things worse. Happy because when he spun around, Yuta had left, the front gate left ajar.

‘Hyung,’ Haechan was running towards him, ‘Hyung, are you okay?’

‘The cops, why did you call the cops?’ Taeyong knew he should be relieved and thanking the younger instead of chastising him but his siblings had suffered enough, no need for more gossip and scrutiny.

‘I didn’t make the call. I just pretended to. No one’s coming,’ Haechan reassured and dutifully went back to bed.

The adrenaline had subsided and the fear, anguish and heartache that had plagued him in the past twenty-four hours finally hit him in full blow. It struck him with such force, like waves breaking at high tide, or worse, a tsunami breaching his defences and inundating the calm life he had rebuilt. Taeyong wanted to scream, he wanted to yell all sorts of profanities at Yuta for wrecking him, at Jaehyun for betraying his trust, at his father for abandoning him… Blow after blow he had sustained and swallowed but he couldn’t bear it any longer.

 

-

 

10:00pm, Friday (Taeyong)

Taeyong didn’t know where he was heading, he just had to escape from the remnants of his past, the suffocating realms of the place he called home. Tears streamed down his face uncontrollably. He had given up trying to suppress his emotions as he stumbled aimlessly on the barren pavement. The moon hung low as if offering solace to the poor boy who was so lonely and alone. You still think you’re so high and mighty, so full of it when in reality you’re nothing! Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. The wind was slamming onto his watery cheeks in earnest, stinging more than usual. His eyes were still teeming with tears that threatened yet another outpour, making the glowing streetlights refract into blurry halos.

It could have been minutes or hours until Taeyong’s legs finally let him down and he could barely move any further. He flagged a cab, the driver cautiously asking the young man for the address and the car steered off into the night.

Taeyong stuffed a handful of banknotes into the cab driver’s outstretched hand and didn’t bother with the change. It was enough that he was having a shitty night, he might as well let someone else enjoy a better one.

There were some things, if memorable enough, that would be forever embedded in one’s memory, Taeyong learnt. It was as the saying goes: quantity over quality; or how the depth of a relationship couldn’t be measured by its years, rather by how well they clicked. Jaehyun was one of those ‘things’. It took Taeyong one glance when Jaehyun first arrived at the office for Taeyong to be mesmerized; two days for him to let loose when he was with Jaehyun, liberated and free; three days to realise he was greedy for the younger’s attention and less than a week to send Taeyong on an emotional rollercoaster.

 

11:30pm, Friday (Taeyong)

Taeyong found himself standing outside Jaehyun’s flat. He had seen this place in his dreams – the rusty gated entrance, squeaky floorboards, disgustingly ancient furniture, but most of all he remembered Jaehyun, sick and shivering, cozying up to him on that oversized bed wrapped in duvets. Jaehyun had needed Taeyong then and he had stayed. Where was Jaehyun when Taeyong needed him now?

Taeyong knew it was on him that Jaehyun left, that he was both the perpetrator and the victim. If he had been watching the scene as a bystander, he would probably scream at himself for being so pathetic, walking straight into the home of a man he had hurt and who had hurt him beyond imagination.

The doorbell buzzed. Once. Twice. Footsteps. The door swung open and Taeyong swore he had never felt so relieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! As expected, I haven't been able to update as much because I just started a really intense internship this week and it won't end until late July :(  
> Hope this chap lived up to you expectations and once again, I'M SORRY FOR MAKING YUTA THE ANTAGONIST! 
> 
> Lots of love and do subscribe and kudos - and above all, please comment because to me, knowing what you guys think about this means more than the kudos! x


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Does he make you delirious? Does he, hyung?’

11:30pm, Friday

To say Jaehyun was shocked would be an understatement.

‘Hyung, what are you doing here?’ Jaehyun spoke into the shadows. His voice came out strained and exhausted.

There was no reply. Jaehyun sighed, ‘Come in, it’s freezing.’

Taeyong walked inside the flat, leaving Jaehyun with just enough room to reach for the gate and fasten the latch.

Taeyong was staring holes into the ground and it was visible that he himself was confused and lost for words.

‘Hyung?’ Jaehyun stooped a little lower but Taeyong refused to look him in the eye. It was then that Jaehyun saw tracks of tears lining the older’s cheeks like narrow cracks on beautiful porcelain. He raised his hand and gently smoothed the creases as if brushing the pain and affliction aside and cringed when the older flinched from his touch. ‘What are you doing here?’ Jaehyun repeated tenderly.

‘I don’t know,’ Taeyong’s throat constricted and tears were threatening to pour again but he had to keep the confrontation civil.

‘What can I do for you?’ Jaehyun straightened his back and patiently nudged the older, caressing him with his soft words.

‘He’s an asshole you know, Jaehyun?’ Taeyong whispered. They were met by a stifling pause.   
‘Who?’ Jaehyun prodded.  
‘Him, Yuta.’  
Another pause.  
‘Yuta’s an asshole but at least…’ Taeyong took a deep breath, eyes still focused on the floor, ‘At least he wants me, craves my presence and attention. He’s a bastard alright, but he doesn’t pretend to care and then go off fucking another woman. Not like you.’ It was a lie. Yuta had slept around. He had done exactly that and it had reduced Taeyong to the mess he was now. But none of that mattered. He just needed to spit it all out, to anger Jaehyun just as he had hurt him.

Taeyong couldn’t keep it in anymore, his voice wavered but he kept his eyes fixated onto the ground. 

 

Jaehyun’s mind was racing. I never fucked anyone, hyung, Jaehyun wanted to scream, I never had my eyes on anyone but you. It was all a mistake, a big fucking mistake and it was all because I wanted you too much. I wanted you so much that it killed me thinking you didn’t want me in your life.

For a moment it seemed as though time had frozen and the world had stopped spinning. The silence between them was so overwhelmingly excruciating that it somehow hurt to even breathe.

Jaehyun looked into Taeyong’s eyes, sunken and ebony. There was so much hurt embedded in those eyes, carrying the weight of the world. It were as if there was something drowning inside of them, crying out for help mutedly, yet no one ever paid attention. 

 

Jaehyun’s lips were still lightly parted, still trying to process everything the older boy had just said. Another glance at Taeyong and the fleeting vulnerability had dissipated. Instead, Jaehyun was met by a fierce glare that seethed with anger. 

 

‘Maybe Yuta was right, maybe he is still better than you…’ Taeyong was dangerously calm, tears still trickling. 

They stayed rooted to the spot for a few seconds, minutes, or even years, Jaehyun couldn’t even tell anymore, until a flame suddenly flickered in the older’s eyes. In that split second, it seemed to dawn on Taeyong that what he had said was way out of line, that he had mounted a one-sided, unforgivable war of words on the younger. It was as if his ego and rage had toppled from their thrones as Taeyong stared at the floor, took one step closer to Jaehyun and squirmed in discomfort, his eyes darting like deer in the headlights. 

Taeyong’s head was spinning, scrabbling for words that could vaguely chain together into an apology, however inept. One last apology and Taeyong would leave. ‘Jaehyun, I’m-’ Taeyong never managed to finish because at that moment, Jaehyun grabbed him by the shoulder and Taeyong staggered backwards in shock as he knocked back-first onto the door. Jaehyun pinned his arms above his head, his grasp scorching yet gentle, urgent but controlled. For the first time in years, Taeyong knew he was safe, that he was respected and that in Jaehyun’s eyes, he mattered. Jaehyun cupped the older boy’s jaw with his spare hand and sunk into his soft lips and Taeyong couldn’t help but slip out a soft purr. His mind was chastising him for being such an easy catch, for letting Jaehyun step all over him when he should be furious still. Taeyong tried his best to pull out of the messy kiss but it was to no avail. His free hand lay on Jaehyun’s chest wrestling his way out, the expensive fabric crumpling in his fist. Eventually, Taeyong gave in, blocked out all reason and rationality, the hand that gripped the younger’s shirt falling limply to his side. He surrendered and let Jaehyun do whatever he wanted to him because it was Jaehyun. 

Slowly, the roughness turned into something pleasurable, liberating even. Taeyong gradually parted his lips to invite Jaehyun in, half-luring half-taunting. They sucked on each other’s tongue, slow and intimate, and Taeyong found himself yearning for more as liquid slithered down the length of his neck and he let out lewd moans breathlessly. Their moist exchanges reverberated in the tiny apartment and it was making both of them ever so turned on. Taeyong, out of breath, finally pulled out of the kiss and stared into Jaehyun’s pupils that were richly onyx and brimming with lust and desire. 

Jaehyun’s breaths were slow and heavy, his thoughts running wild as Taeyong glanced up at him visibly confused and stricken. They were so close now, the younger’s nose rested on the other’s forehead as they attempted to steady their breaths. Jaehyun was sure now, certain that he wanted the beautiful man. He scrambled for Taeyong’s arms as he nudged him against the wall once more. Images surfaced in Jaehyun’s mind - Taeyong basking in Yuta’s touch, Yuta’s distorted adoration, their wet kisses and sweet nothings. There was a burning longing in Jaehyun that had been cooped up and mocked for too long. It was unfinished business, an insurmountable craving that begged to be fulfilled. Jaehyun crashed his lips against Taeyong’s, their breaths mingled and hot. Their paces matched and it was almost rhythmic. As Jaehyun moved to press kisses on Taeyong’s nape, the older craned his head backwards in a gratifying moan. It was so raw, so spontaneous and rough. It felt just right. Taeyong could feel Jaehyun’s heartbeat racing as those warm lips of his slid down his bare neck and to his collarbone. Taeyong’s knees buckled at the sudden surge of pleasure yet Jaehyun’s arms secured him around the waist until he was pinned steadfast against the wall. ‘Does Yuta make you feel this way? Does he know you this well?’ Jaehyun whispered in suppressed hostility between pants, barely loud enough but Taeyong heard. He was almost sure the veins in his neck were protruding now, adrenaline coursing through him as he dug his fingers tighter into Jaehyun. I want you Jaehyun, I want everything you can give and more. The younger picked up the signal to push forward and his sinewy arms tightened their embrace. Jaehyun slid his lips toward the shell of the other’s ear, ‘Does he make you delirious? Does he, hyung?’ It was provocative and chiding. A war had been waged between the Japanese man and Jaehyun, and Jaehyun knew he had won. As if a final affirmation, Taeyong let out a soft purr until prickly goosebumps lined his body and his eyes fluttered open in pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is mega important - I'VE NEVER WROTE ANYTHING THIS INTIMATE BEFORE OK. I know to most of you this isn't even closeeee to intimacy (hinthint) but I have issues with these things and smut (or anything close to that) is one thing I absolutely cannot read, let alone write...
> 
> So belated apologies if that was weird or mediocre because I felt like there should be something intimate but I really couldn't bring myself to write anything more than this... 
> 
> P.S. I got my friend to draft a framework of that intimate bit for me and I kindo of added more descriptions cos I really couldn't think of how it should've gone like so credits to her!  
> P.P.S. This story might have to go into semi-hiatus because I've already posted all the instalments I've pre-written before my internship and my internship is crazy intense so I might not have time to write much before the end of this month or worse, before the end of July... So please bear with me! I'll try my best to write some more and not leave everyone hanging, but this chapter is supposed to wrap things up for y'all so it isn't as painful, knowing Jaeyong are finally idk not mad at each other (but I'm not giving anything away, you know how much I love angst *hinthint*) ;) 
> 
> Anyway, lots of love and thanks for reading! x


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Come back to the States. Now.’ It was his father, there was no mistaking it.
> 
> -  
> Pre-chapter note:  
> Ok, so I have two things to be sorry for before you start the chapter:  
> a. Sorry for the wait, for being on hiatus for so long... Life has been a hectic mess and university has been stressful to say the least...  
> b. Sorry for coming back with a painfully short chapter D: I promise I'll write more next time round!  
> Anyway, hope this taster's going to be enjoyable!

Jaehyun’s lips tasted faintly of strawberries and brine. Taeyong had stopped crying now and they stood facing each other, the tips of their noses brushing lightly. It was as if both of them were encapsulated in a trance that the muggy air seemed to still, neither willing to break the magic. It was eons later when Taeyong freed himself from Jaehyun’s embrace and took several steps back, his gaze glued to the floor. Jaehyun mirrored Taeyong’s motion and moved in his direction. Jaehyun knew he needed Taeyong, couldn’t stand the fact that Taeyong was always trying to keep him at a distance. Their kiss were nothing like his encounter with the girls at the bar several nights ago. That was greed and lust. This was passion and affection. Taeyong’s touch had sent adrenaline coursing through his body. It was as if the two were magnetically attracted that Jaehyun continued to gravitate towards the older. He wanted to be near him, to calm the older, to be his safe haven.

Yet it was then that Jaehyun suddenly noticed Taeyong’s soiled t-shirt, traces of gravelly stains and creases lining his usually spotless garment. Jaehyun anxiously picked up his pace and lifted Taeyong’s chin so that their gazes met, sparks shooting up Jaehyun’s spine once again. Taeyong’s ethereal beauty and vulnerability was something that would never fail to amaze him, Jaehyun mused. Taeyong was unreadable as always, lips pursed into a thin line yet still avoiding Jaehyun’s line of sight. 

‘Hyung, what happened?’ Jaehyun asked, finally breaking the silence that had ensued ever since the episode.   
‘Nothing,’ Taeyong shook his head.  
‘Taeyong, you can tell me,’ Jaehyun pleaded, ‘I’m always here for you.’  
‘It was wrong of me to come barging in,’ Taeyong was evidently fazed by their earlier intimacy that he paid no attention to what Jaehyun was saying.  
Taeyong’s gaze darted toward the door as he slowly shifted himself away from Jaehyun for the umpteenth time.   
‘I should leave,’ Taeyong said with such firmness and assertion that Jaehyun knew it would be unfair to make him stay. It was as if the air had shifted and Jaehyun realised for the first that that he was the vulnerable one now. It wasn’t Taeyong who needed Jaehyun’s comfort, but rather Jaehyun who longed for the other’s presence. 

Without so much as a goodbye, Taeyong sauntered out of the flat, leaving Jaehyun very much bewildered, the taste of strawberries still lingering dumbfounded on the tip of his tongue. 

A quick dinner and shower later, the image of Taeyong entwined in his arms was still emblazoned in his mind. It was so frustrating to have someone so dear always shoving you away, not letting you on into their anxieties. but that was how Taeyong was, a million secrets cooped up in that tiny figure of his. 

Brrrrrrrrrrrring. Jaehyun’s phone buzzed as an unexpected name lit up his screen. ‘HOME’, it read. 

The concept of home had not always been such a foreign one to Jaehyun. When he was young, his parents would bring him on family trips. His parents would stay up planning itineraries, road trip routes and booking flights. He used to hear them in the living room, TV volume turned up, whispering sweet nothings in each other’s loving embrace. Jaehyun hadn’t appreciated it then but pondering over his past, he realised that everything had changed. What was left of his home was barely recognizable. A few years ago, when Jaehyun was still in high school, his mother began flying to Seoul more often to visit her family. There always seemed to be a reason for her departure – your great grand-aunt’s passed away, my cousin has to undergo an operation, I need to go sort out my old bank accounts… the list went on. His father was surprisingly unperturbed, taking those weeks to meet up with friends, so he said. As with his mother, the excuses were endless, from fishing trips to hikes to over night business meetings. It was then that young Jaehyun began to realise his family was slowly falling apart and that more often than not, he was left alone in a massive yet empty house. 

The phone was still ringing, the ringtone shrill – ‘say what you want to say, and let the words fall out… I want to see you be brave-’  
‘Hello,’ Jaehyun picked up the phone cautiously.  
‘Come back to the States. Now.’ It was his father, there was no mistaking it.   
Jaehyun had not expected a kind greeting, yet this incredulous order was not what he had anticipated either.   
‘What?’ he spluttered, ‘Now?’  
‘You heard me,’ his father’s tone was resolute.   
‘No!’ Jaehyun argued, still confused by the abrupt request.  
‘Jung Yoon-oh,’ his father was unwavering and whatever happened that warranted him iterating his full name spelt trouble. ‘You will fly back as soon as possible.’  
‘No!’ Jaehyun’s brain failed him as he scrambled to pitch a convincing battle, ‘What about my job? They’ll fire me if I just quit like this!’  
‘I’ve got that covered. My business partner’s friend is a partner at your firm and they said they would arrange for you to continue your job here. No more secondments.’  
‘I don’t need you intervening in my life. Since when do you care?’ Jaehyun snarled through gritted teeth. He hated how overbearing his father was. ‘I know you never liked Seoul, never liked anything my mother and I liked, but this is my life. It isn’t about you anymore.’  
‘Wretched Asian culture,’ he heard his father slam his fist onto a hard surface, ‘I didn’t pay for all that education just to see you deteriorate into a sissy. Have you no shame?’ He roared.

Jaehyun was properly bewildered now.  
‘I know all about it,’ his father continued, ‘I know about your new… friend,’ he spat, as if he had mustered all the disgust in his being to iterate that last word. ‘You’ve been hanging out with him all week, haven’t you?’  
Jaehyun suddenly felt cold and defenseless. It was as if he was hastily tossed into a battlefield with his armour and weaponry stripped off. His opponent had just delivered a strong blow yet he merely froze for lack of retaliation. ‘How do you know?’ Was all Jaehyun could say.   
‘Ah… So it’s true.’  
Fuck, Jaehyun thought, he had given himself away. His father had not actually known anything yet Jaehyun’s reactions confirmed his suspicions.  
‘You heard me boy. You’ve brought enough shame on the family name, running all over the place with your arms around another man. Asian culture my ass.’  
‘No,’ Jaehyun needed to be firm on this. He was genuinely enjoying his job, his work ‘friends’, the freedom and most of all, his daily excursions with Taeyong. He couldn’t leave it all behind, not yet.   
‘I don’t recall having asked for your opinion. It was an order, not a question.’  
‘No. And you can’t make me.’ With a tone of finality, Jaehyun ended the call and sent his phone crashing onto the carpeted floor in frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written in a long, loooong time - hopefully the edge is still there! This is actually a semi-finished instalment that I kept as storage just in case I felt the need to update...  
> Let me know what you guys think and *dundundunnn* our fav couple's about to be met by yet another challenge...  
> In my final year of university currently and things have been quite busy but I'll try to get back on with this fic - I mean, it's a pretty decent stress-reliever haha  
> Anyway, send kudos, subscribe and MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO COMMENT!! I still read your comments even when I'm on hiatus!  
> All the best xx


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps, just perhaps, it wouldn’t be so hard to lie to Taeyong about leaving. The thought sent chills down his spine and for a second, Jaehyun couldn’t tell whether it was the cold or the notion of having to leave Taeyong forever that was chilling.

Saturday 

 

The events that had occurred the night before felt surreal to say the least and when Jaehyun woke up the next morning, he was not at all surprised that Taeyong’s lips were all he could think about. Perhaps Jaehyun had dreamt it, he thought, seeing no signs that Taeyong had ever been present in his flat as he padded out into the living room and slumped onto the sunken futon. 

There were days when Jaehyun would give anything to be relieved from his immense workload, but today presented quite the opposite challenge as he scrummaged through his leather briefcase, craving for an unfinished case to occupy his mind. Jaehyun was well-aware that today was the day, the final day of that week-long tour but there had been no mention of whether Taeyong was even going to meet him, let alone where they were going. Jaehyun had taken Taeyong’s abrupt departure from his place last night as a sign to leave him alone. It wasn’t rocket science really, even with Jaehyun’s limited understanding of Taeyong, he could see that Taeyong needed time to mull over what had happened, or more so, what he wanted to happen. 

The sun was hanging in the clear sky and Jaehyun stared at it wistfully, wishing his mood was just as perfect, but there was a sickening feeling in his gut, as if he had been stomped on, tossed around, shot at and then stomped on once more. There was just too much going on. His job was the least of his problems. There was the misunderstanding between him and his unclassified ‘relationship’ (whatever that meant) with a tourguide he’d met a mere week ago, an abusive ex, that, mind you, wasn’t even Jaehyun’s, Taeyong’s perpetual self-deprecation and internal conflict, and the cherry on top, of course his father had to pitch in and summon him home. Why did life hate him so much? 

Shortly after his apparently hopeless assessment on life, Jaehyun’s phone rang. It was as if on cue that Ten commented about the lovely weather and proposed they ‘liven up’, ‘carpe diem’ or whatever Ten had said. 

‘Where do you wanna go?’ Ten asked, high-pitched voice and skipping beside him. Jaehyun felt like was babysitting a girlscout.  
He had been to many places… with Taeyong. But he supposed a switch of company wouldn’t be too bad. It was already late afternoon now, and it only occurred to Jaehyun how long he had curled up on the futon wallowing in self-pity. In retrospect, he was probably glad Ten had called.  
‘There’s a place I’ve always wanted to go to,’ Jaehyun suggested, ‘The hanok houses.’  
‘You mean the old, bamboo ones?’ Ten’s eagerness clearly faltered, ‘I was thinking more on the lines of shopping, or like karaoke rooms or…’ Seeing Jaehyun’s blank expression, Ten added, ‘But… we can always make an exception. I mean, I’ve never been but I suppose they’re cool too!’ 

Ten had been doing a monologue for god knows how long, but if anything, Jaehyun was grateful that he was out with Ten, possibly one of the most talkative people he knew. Jaehyun wasn't feeling particularly chatty today and it was nice to have someone fill the silence. ‘I mean, I couldn’t let it slide, right? Doyoung definitely asked me to get him a double shot, like duh, I might not have the connections he does but I’m not daft,’ Ten’s sass was on full display. ‘Yeah, sure,’ Jaehyun had zoned out at the second anecdote and Ten was probably on his fifteenth, Jaehyun had lost count. 

The pair were hiking up a winding road, following the tattered wooden signs that pointed toward the hanok houses. The sky was a beautiful shade of crimson, orange and the occasional tints of pink and violet. The hanok houses that finally came into view were more magical than ever at this hour, their hazel mahogany exterior camouflaging into the ethereal backdrop in all its sepia glory. There were few tourists, to Jaehyun’s delight and even Ten had stopped at his seventeenth story, breathing a sigh of contentment. Jaehyun recalled one of his mother’s paintings that had been framed on his bedroom wall for as long as he could remember. The hanok houses portrayed on the painting had been exactly as Jaehyun imagined, ever so slightly rundown but ridden with history and stories of the bygone days. It was as if his mother were here with him in Seoul that Jaehyun could practically feel her warm touch, soothing and gentle, like the soft breeze that was caressing his cheeks. The sun had begun to set in earnest now, only the faintest glow from the earlier breathtaking sunset continued to linger in the sky, ephemeral and fleeting, just like… his time here in Seoul. It was as if someone had bashed him on the head with a pan that Jaehyun was violently wrenched from his fairytale-like surroundings and forced to face reality once more. 

Testing the waters, Jaehyun decided to start with Ten, who was still busy taking photos of the long-faded sunset. ‘It’ll look good on Instagram,’ Ten had insisted as he pranced around with his phone, ‘I do have appetites to fill you know. 12k followers, it’s no joke. Ten took his social media duties very seriously.  
‘Hey Ten?’ Jaehyun began. He was met with an inattentive grunt. Jaehyun took it as a signal to continue, after all, the smaller the reaction the better. It’d make his upcoming departure easier. ‘It’s been great meeting you. I mean, it’s just been a week or so, but you’re a great guy,’ Jaehyun smiled.  
Ten stopped in his tracks and shot Jaehyun a look. ‘Wait a second… Is this the part where you… confess?! I mean, you’re a great guy too, Jaehyun, and I’m sure you know full and well that I do like men but, I mean… Wow… Like WOW… I really need some time to process…,’ Ten rambled before Jaehyun could correct him.  
‘What? No! You idiot!’ Jaehyun whacked Ten on the back of his head with a twig he had been fumbling with. ‘No! I don’t like m-,’ Jaehyun paused and decided that perhaps it was uncalled for to declare his sexual orientation, ‘I mean, no, I don’t like you that way. It’s just that I think…’ This part was even harder than being sappy like he did earlier, ‘I think I might have to leave Seoul soon. Next week, or perhaps the next few days might be my last few here…’  
As much a drama queen as Ten was, Jaehyun was still taken aback when Ten suddenly pounced onto him and began wailing like a child. ‘Noooooooo!’ Ten howled, ‘Broooo you can’t leave me here with Kim Doyoung the devil incarnate! You were the only person whose coffee I could spill and not get snapped at!’  
The drama was borderline hilarious and extremely embarrassing as passersby threw them strange looks, and understandably so: two men on the street with one hugging the other as if his life depended on it.  
‘Calm down drama queen,’ Jaehyun tried to lighten the mood as he wrestled Ten off, ‘The Los Angeles office wants me back. Apparently, one of the projects I was working on needs some fixing and I was one of the core lawyers on that team,’ Jaehyun shrugged. Making up an excuse rather than having to explain to Ten how it had been his father and his homophobic tendencies that summoned him home was easier than he thought. Perhaps, just perhaps, it wouldn’t be so hard to lie to Taeyong about leaving. The thought sent chills down his spine and for a second, Jaehyun couldn’t tell whether it was the cold or the notion of having to leave Taeyong forever that was chilling.

The rest of the night unfolded much smoother, with Ten continuing to rant about the various happenings in the office that always seemed to end with ‘What a bitch, that Kim Doyoung!’ Things had gotten back on track quicker than Jaehyun thought and that was definitely a good sign. He had just spent one week in Seoul, how hard could leaving it be?

Jaehyun arrived home at a rather late hour and as he stretched his arms, ready for bed, he was interrupted by a phone call from an unknown caller. It was 11pm now, who could it possibly be? 

‘Um… Hi?’ the caller began with a sense of unease. That was odd, Jaehyun thought, if anything he was the one who was supposed to be questioning the identity of the person on the other end of the line. ‘Hello? This is Haechan.’ Haechan… That name seemed to ring a bell. Jaehyun was positive he had heard of the name somewhere. ‘I’m Lee Taeyong’s younger brother.’ Voila, there is was, Taeyong’s brother.  
‘Hi Haechan,’ Jaehyun heaved a sigh, glad that the identity of the mystery caller had been revealed, lest it bug him all night, ‘What’s up? Actually… How did you get my number?’ The last time Jaehyun checked, his number wasn’t exactly so easily accessible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter! A massive thank you to all of you who commented and left kudos - I loved reading every single one of your comments! Truth be told, I'm actually preparing for my finals right now so things have been hectic but reading all your messages urged me to publish another instalment heh  
> Once again, hope this doesn't disappoint and I'll try to get back with yet another chapter asap! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> P.S. I'm curious what the age-range of my readers are haha (hopefully this doesn't sound creepy, I promise I'm normal ohgosh) - do say hi and perhaps leave your age below (an age range would be fine too)! I'll start first: I just turned 22 this month, so I'm probably way older than y'all but thankfully still young enough to address Jaehyun and Taeyong as 'oppa' phew)
> 
> P.P.S. I recently made a list of all the amazing fics I've come across, both on NCT and EXO (yes, I started as an EXO-L 7 years ago). The NCT ones are all on Jaeyong (surprise surprise) and the EXO ones are more varied but mostly Sebaek-centric. If you're interested, feel free to take a look: https://listography.com/3870828379/nct_fanfic_recs_♡/0846317584  
> If you have any good Jaeyong / Sebaek / NCT OT21 / EXO OT9 fics, do lmk! 
> 
>  
> 
> Lots of love xx


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun had borne witness to all the different phases of the hanok houses in a span of 24 hours: the hanok houses in full bloom, spilling with life in the afternoon; ominous and gloomy while he was frenzied in his frantic search for Taeyong; and finally, precious and bewitching with the person he loved perched on his back. And Jaehyun thought, out of all the phases, that the final one was without a doubt, the prettiest.

11:30pm, Saturday

In a span of minutes, Jaehyun was hurtling up the slope that led to Taeyong’s home as fast as his legs could carry him. He had thrown on a random coat, flagged a cab and pushed a very much irritated cab driver to maximum speed after the call with Haechan. Truth be told, he had no idea why he was on his way to Taeyong’s. Haechan had brought news that Taeyong hadn’t been home since the distressing incident with Yuta. Which meant that after Taeyong had left Jaehyun’s flat, Taeyong had begun his disappearing act. 

Panting, Jaehyun arrived at Taeyong’s place. The creaky metal gate swung open in full force as Haechan and Renjun welcomed him expectantly, as if presuming that Jaehyun would already have brought their missing older brother home. Jaehyun was swept with immense guilt upon seeing their instantaneous emotional dive when the children realized that their brother was still nowhere to be found. Truth be told, Jaehyun had no idea why he had rushed to Taeyong’s home – the unlikeliest of places where Taeyong would be found. 

Haechan briefed Jaehyun once more about his older brother’s conflict with Yuta, repeating all sorts of facts that were pretty much irrelevant to the situation at hand. Apart from causing Jaehyun’s anger and indignation to well up like an ugly monster, the details served little purpose.  
Tears had begun to well up in both the children’s eyes and Jaehyun, if anything, was terrible with children and the only thing he thought would bring consolation to the brothers was to tell them that Taeyong had probably gone to meet a friend and would be home soon.  
‘I’ll go look for him. Taeyong will be back soon, I promise,’ Jaehyun reassured, praying that his worry didn’t shine through.  
‘You have to, Jaehyun-hyung,’ Renjun whispered. ‘Hyung’, how endearing.  
‘Taeyong-hyung gave us your number and told us to ring you if we needed anything,’ Haechan added, ‘He said you’d help us.’  
There it was, the uncalled-for responsibility and trust that had been bestowed to him by three people who had been mere strangers just a week ago. 

Jaehyun put the two youngsters to bed as they told him how good a brother Taeyong was: how Taeyong had always made sure there was enough food stocked up in the fridge, how he always left sticky-notes reminding them to bring an umbrella or an extra coat before he went to work… Taeyong had always put his younger brothers first and Jaehyun knew full and well how much family meant to him. 

The sweet sound of Renjun’s steady breaths soon filled the tiny room and before long, Haechan was on the brink of sleep as well.  
‘Jaehyun-hyung,’ Haechan murmured with his eyes closed, ‘Taeyong’s always been there for us y’know,’ his words slurring, ‘but no one has ever been there for him, not since our parents left. Your number was the first contact he’s ever given us and it’s made us feel safe. And I think… you make hyung feel safe too…’  
Jaehyun didn’t realise it until later, but a tear had trickled down his cheek. How could he bear to leave Seoul now?

 

3am, Sunday

Taeyong was still nowhere to be seen. Jaehyun had pinky-promised Haechan and Renjun that Taeyong would be home by morning and that the four of them would have a nice breakfast together and Jaehyun was not about to go back on his word.  
Haechan had kindly given him a few pointers on where Taeyong usually spent his time and a (woefully short) list of people that Taeyong could be with but it was to no avail. Apart from a rather startled Mark who had groggily picked up his call and informed Jaehyun that Taeyong had dropped a message the night before to take leave from work on Monday, there was little that assisted Jaehyun’s pursuit. 

Jaehyun’s phone indicated that it was 3 am which meant he had been running aimlessly around the city for three hours already, and it also meant that Taeyong had been missing for three extra hours. Before long, Jaehyun decided to make a run for the outskirts of the city, flagging a cab to the hanok houses where he had visited with Ten earlier that day. It seemed like days ago that he was there admiring the bamboo houses and glorious sunset. It was such an ironic reflection of Jaehyun’s mood that the hanok houses seemed lifeless now, glowering over him in ominous shadows, threatening to swallow him whole. Which would probably not be such a terrible idea now, given the mess his life was. 

Jaehyun was so engulfed in his own little world of self-pity (yet again) that he thought his mind was playing tricks on him. Was it the desperation that conjured the image of none other than Taeyong perched on the edge of a bench in the distance? Jaehyun’s pace quickened and to his absolute fright and delight (which was more overwhelming he couldn’t tell), there he was.  
Jaehyun had rehearsed all he wanted to say to Taeyong in his head a gazillion times in those three hours, the way he would run up to Taeyong, shower him with kisses and he had even entertained the thought of confessing, but at that moment, seeing Taeyong’s tiny frame curled up on the bench, head perched on his scarred and bony knees, Jaehyun’s mind went blank. 

It was stupid how it was Taeyong who spoke first, Jaehyun standing in front of the bench gaping with his mouth ajar.  
‘You’re here,’ Taeyong breathed in between pants, lifting his head to reveal a tear-stained face.  
It took several seconds for Jaehyun to finally register that Taeyong was not a figment of his imagination but truly and tangibly sitting in front of him. There were no words that could fully encapsulate the wave of relief that flooded him, no phrase that could adequately express how overjoyed he was seeing Taeyong safe that he resorted to crouching down and wrapping his arms around Taeyong’s small frame. Taeyong was visibly shivering despite the padded jacket that blanketed him like a duvet and it wasn’t long until Jaehyun realised that the older boy was not so much cold as he was crying and struggling to breathe in between sobs.  
‘Hey… I’m here, it’s okay now,’ Jaehyun spoke in he calmest voice and shrugged off his own coat and draped it over Taeyong’s small frame. Taeyong was still shuddering but after a while, perhaps it was the additional layer that shrouded his shivers, it seemed as if Taeyong was gradually calming down.  
The older boy was inhaling massive gulps of air, drowning in his sea of internal self-deprecation it hurt Jaehyun to see how someone so beautiful and kind could somehow fail to see his own perfection. Jaehyun rubbed his hands and cupped them on Taeyong’s cheeks for extra warmth.  
‘What’s wrong?’ Jaehyun whispered in a hushed voice, ‘You can tell me.’ He leaned in, cheek on cheek, ear to ear, as if coaxing a young child to let him in on a secret.  
Taeyong shook his head fervently, ‘nothing.’ There was an air of fragility and finality in the way Taeyong spoke that Jaehyun knew it was still too raw a question to ask. Instead, the pair remained in a tangled cluster of arms, padded jackets and wet cheeks. 

It was approximately twenty minutes later that Jaehyun felt the weight of Taeyong’s head slumped on his shoulder and soft huffs and puffs that resonated musically in the 4am night. It was relieving to see the older boy finally let down his guard and unload his burdens. He had been carrying them on his own for too long. 

It was the peak of winter and the gusts of wind were growing chillier by the second. The last thing Jaehyun wished for was Taeyong to catch a cold. Still half-crouching on the gravel, Jaehyun slowly lifted Taeyong’s sleeping figure upright, propped his back against the bench as Jaehyun himself cursed the pins and needles that were creeping up his thighs. His legs were screaming in numbness but there was nothing that could muffle the happiness he felt seeing Taeyong so soundly asleep. It was such an ungodly hour yet their surroundings were awfully paradisiacal, Jaehyun thought as he managed to raise Taeyong stealthily from the bench and piggy-backed him down the road. Jaehyun had borne witness to all the different phases of the hanok houses in a span of 24 hours: the hanok houses in full bloom, spilling with life in the afternoon; ominous and gloomy while he was frenzied in his frantic search for Taeyong; and finally, precious and bewitching with the person he loved perched on his back. And Jaehyun thought, out of all the phases, that the final one was without a doubt, the prettiest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl I really was itching to write these few days so thank you to all those readers who have kindly left comments urging me too - that was the final push haha! Also, the next instalment should be longer, I just really wanted to put it out there, and I hope y'all can see if coming, that we're in for something fluffier soon heh - I'M TRYING TO CUT THE ANGST ;-;  
> And to answer a question I've been asked, yes, our boy Jaehyun's been summoned home and yes, he seemed to have stood up to his father, but as much as he cares for Taeyong, he still isn't sure if love is really what it is, given it's only been a week... AND he's been living under the shade of his strict parents for idk 21/22 years already so it won't be so easy to go against them or against his own upbringing and the values that are ingrained in him (i.e. how it's 'unnatural' and 'shameful' to be with a boy etc.)... Jaehyun's inner turmoil will hopefully be more obvious next chapter and let's pray our boy doesn't stray too far away from Taeyong (; 
> 
> For now, thanks for reading once again! 
> 
> Lots of love xx


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'What an idiot. I was worried sick,' was all Jaehyun could say. They say there are a million ways to express love. Some say it in the form of blatant 'I love yous' while others express it as 'get home safe', 'I was worried about you' or 'make sure you bring an umbrella today, it's going to pour'. Jaehyun thought he was definitely more skilled doing the latter. He also thought that maybe, this thing called 'love' wasn't so impossible after all.

By the time Jaehyun arrived home, dawn was already beginning to break. Jaehyun laid the jangling keys on the tabletop and settled Taeyong on his bed, peeling off the thick coats gently.  
'Taeyong's with me.' Jaehyun dropped Haechan a message, 'I'll make sure you see him when you wake up.'  
Just as Jaehyun was debating whether or not to nap alongside Taeyong, there was a mild stirring of covers and a raspy voice breathed, 'How did I end up here?'  
Jaehyun was aware it was his selfishness speaking but all the same, there was a tinge of disappointment that Taeyong hadn't first greeted him, said a 'thank you' or even a 'hi'. 'You were sitting all alone by the hanok houses,' Jaehyun answered.  
'And...?' Taeyong sounded expectant.  
'And what?' Jaehyun asked.  
'I was by the houses, but how did you manage to find me?' Taeyong was genuinely confused.  
Jaehyun was dumbfounded. That had never crossed his mind. 'You were shivering and alone and when Haechan rang me up I got so worried...' Jaehyun was well-aware he was hardly answering Taeyong's question. At the mention of his younger brother, Taeyong suddenly froze and Jaehyun added, 'Both Haechan and Renjun are fine. I put them to bed and locked the front door before I left last night. Haechan will know you're back when he wakes up,' Jaehyun motioned toward his phone, 'I left him a message.'  
'Thank you, Jaehyun.' The words were music to Jaehyun's ears. 

'Have you not slept all night?' Taeyong stifled a yawn.  
'It's fine, I go without sleep all the time.' Taeyong had almost forgotten Jaehyun was a lawyer. 

Jaehyun was still sitting on the edge of his bed. Sustaining a conversation on such a welcoming four-poster bed was tempting to say the least. But Jaehyun wasn't sure Taeyong would be comfortable with him climbing into bed. It seemed ridiculous really, that two people who had once engaged in such intimacy physically and emotionally, could suddenly revert to square one and be bogged down by such things. Even now, the mere brushing of skin against skin still sent ecstatic shivers down Jaehyun's spine. Perhaps adrenaline was what kept both of them high the night before that Jaehyun simply allowed himself to be immersed in such passion.  
He knew he treasured Taeyong more than anything. He was sure of it. As if to make a point, Jaehyun looked at the bony figure lying in his bed. Taeyong, he noticed, had dozed off once again. Jaehyun was more than certain because he remembered feeling crazed and frantic as he ran around Seoul just a few hours ago. He also remembered how the world fell into place when he finally saw Taeyong. But was this really 'love'? He couldn't quite figure out just yet and his family wouldn't let him live if he answered in the affirmative.  
Jaehyun had wavered between rebellious outbursts of confidence when he had cut his father's line, and deep-seated inner discomfort with his own ingrained beliefs. He despised himself. He hated how he couldn’t stand up to his family, hated his hesitation and confusion. Was it really okay to love Taeyong? Jaehyun wanted to, he really did.

Pushing that thought aside, Jaehyun realised Taeyong was tugging at his shirt sleeve.  
'Take a nap,' Taeyong prompted groggily and patted the empty space next to him.  
Jaehyun hesitated. It was just sharing a bed, no biggie. He and Johnny, his best friend from home did that all the time. And the exhaustion was really getting the better of him now.  
Jaehyun slid under the covers and turned to face Taeyong.  
Taeyong edged closer and Jaehyun felt his own hand subconsciously making its way for Taeyong's. His hand grazed down the length of Taeyong's sinewy arms until he reached the older's slender fingers and Taeyong didn't even flinch. It was felt unfamiliar, the sensation of holding the hands of someone of the same gender, but it also felt natural, much to Jaehyun’s surprise. Perhaps the hesitation and confusion was unnecessary. Perhaps, when met with the right person, all of that would subside. They lay in silence with their fingers entwined, Jaehyun rubbing gentle circles into Taeyong's palm. It was nothing particularly intimate but it was endearing, soothing, and it was enough for them both. Jaehyun wished the moment would last forever. 

The first rays of sunshine crept in through the blinds and Taeyong, with his features faced toward the sun, looked more angelic than ever.  
'Stop staring,' Taeyong laughed, 'Go to bed, I thought you were sleepy.'  
Indeed, he was, but there were more important things than sleep now, things such as the beautiful sight of the boy that lay next to him.  
The older boy's long lashes were quivering, his brows scrunched up with tension. Jaehyun couldn't help but smooth out the creases with his fingers.  
The older boy smiled, 'Do I not look good enough for you yet?' The cockiness was back. The Taeyong he had first known was back.  
'I mean, I wouldn't say you're subpar, but perhaps a 10/10?' Jaehyun teased. Jaehyun had the charm. The States had taught him well.  
'You mean an 11/10,' Taeyong answered with his eyes still shut. Jaehyun couldn't help but laugh. 

'Why were you at the hanok houses?' It was Jaehyun's turn to ask.  
'Wasn't it me who asked you first?'  
'Yeah, and I'll give you my answer once you've given me yours,' Jaehyun grinned.  
'How petty,' Taeyong joked but quickly gave in. 'After we...' Taeyong was having problems putting a finger on how to classify their intimate episode. 'After that... you know... happened,' he stuttered, 'there was nowhere I could go. I couldn't face my brothers so home wasn't an option... I loitered here and there until morning came and I dunno, I just... loitered some more, and before I knew it, it was nighttime again,' Taeyong's voice was hitched, the memories still raw. 'I did a lot of thinking that whole day... About my brothers, my job and how to make their lives better. I thought about Yuta and what he said to me...,' Taeyong paused again. 'Then I thought about you. Heck, the thought of you was the only thing that kept me afloat. So my answer is, I ended up at the hanok houses because that was the one thing that reminded me of you. I missed you, Jaehyun.'  
That was enough to send Jaehyun's stomach into doing somersaults and all sorts of gymnastics he never knew existed. Taeyong missed him. No more pushing away, no more 'back to square ones'. To hell with square one, Jaehyun was at square ten now. Jaehyun's delight was probably written all over his face that Taeyong smiled along with him.  
'What an idiot. I was worried sick,' was all Jaehyun could say. They say there are a million ways to express love. Some say it in the form of blatant 'I love yous' while others express it as 'get home safe', 'I was worried about you' or 'make sure you bring an umbrella today, it's going to pour'. Jaehyun thought he was definitely more skilled doing the latter. He also thought that maybe, this thing called 'love' wasn't so impossible after all.  
'How about you? Why were you at the houses?' Taeyong wouldn't let it rest.  
'I went there with Ten today.' It sounded so irrelevant when the words fell out of Jaehyun's mouth.  
'Gee, thanks. I went through all of that, ended up practically confessing and that's all I get: I went out with another man, wow thanks.'  
'No, you idiot, let me finish,' Jaehyun punched the older on the shoulder playfully.  
'As I was saying, I was at the houses in the afternoon and in desperation, I just thought of the place I really wished I could visit with you, and the hanok houses were the first that came to mind. I wanted to see the beautiful houses together and to walk with you side by side like we used to.' Putting it into words made his feelings more real, more concrete. It was all coming into shape now. That ugly blob of uncertainty about his feelings toward Taeyong had gradually morphed into something more tangible.  
'And now we've been to the houses together,' Taeyong smiled, 'Was it pretty last night?'  
'You were.'  
‘Ugh, cheesy. Has anyone ever told you that, Jung Jaehyun?' Taeyong teased in visible contentment.  
'I think it's an American thing: born and raised in LA since 1997,' Jaehyun announced proudly as he lay his head on the crevice between Taeyong's neck and collarbone, arms wrapped around his waist. Taeyong blushed and faint shade of pastel pink the colour of cherry blossoms and Jaehyun thought he was pretty enough to have hopped out of a manga comic. Taeyong’s waist was so thin, frame so tiny, it didn't match the inner strength of the boy, carrying the weight of the world and all his inner demons.

Their conversation, simple as it was, turned out to be the final push that Jaehyun needed and he decided, then and there, that he needed Taeyong in his life. The pieces of the puzzle all fit together perfectly, just as how the spaces in Jaehyun's fingers were so flawlessly carved for Taeyong's smaller hands to fit in. Jaehyun finally knew this was what love was. 

'Come back to the States with me.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating a little to fast these days I'm concerned about the quality of writing ;-; But still a massive hug to all those who've read, commented, and just supported this fic and my writing (i.e. brain farts) up till now! As a way to thank y'all here's a whole chapter of fluff - it's been a while since Jaeyong's finally had some time to themselves! 
> 
> Also, sorry for another short update, I felt it was right to end this part with a cliffhanger HAHAHHAH 
> 
> Finally, happy reading! xx


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Don’t do that, Jaehyun. We’re not kids anymore. Love isn’t something you just blurt out.’

Jaehyun had lived his life by the book for as long as he could remember. He was the top of his class from elementary school to high school, graduated with first honours in law school and was recruited by the most prestigious law firm upon leaving college. He was a good kid, he’d like to think at least. When he was young, his father ran a tight ship: breakfast would be served at 8am, no earlier no later; then Jaehyun would go back to his room to study and wait for the plethora of tutors to arrive – algebra, history, chemistry, English, physics… you name it. His piano teacher would visit every other day and his father would sit opposite the grand piano as Jaehyun took his lessons, making sure his playing was impeccable. Lights out were at 9pm and there were to be strictly no exceptions. It had been this way until Jaehyun finally graduated from high school and managed to escape from his suffocating upbringing. It was ironic that his time at law school was the freest he had felt in his life. While Jaehyun’s friends whined about the workload and sleep deprivation, Jaehyun reveled in this fresh beginning. It was new to him to be able to plan his own schedule, to meet friends whenever he wanted to and sleep at ungodly hours (or most days, not sleep at all). College showed him how enjoyable life could be and for the first time, he entertained the possibility of perhaps not following the path his family had outlined for him. 

‘Come back to the States with me.’ The words fell out before Jaehyun could make sense of them himself. The thought had been running through his mind since the phone call with his father but he didn’t think he would actually say it out loud. But now he had. 

Once upon a time, when Jaehyun was still a toddler, he had a plushie, a furry grey bunny that had been worn down from all the hugs and smooches he had planted on it before bed. Jaehyun remembered returning home from kindergarten to find that his plushie wasn’t in its usual spot one day. For days it was lost and his father had asked him to move on. ‘Boys don’t play with stuffed toys,’ he had said, handing Jaehyun a superhero figurine. But baby Jaehyun never stopped looking for it, and one day, as luck would have it, he found the bunny, entangled in a heap of old laundry in the corner of the basement laundry room. Lost and found. There was no happier sensation. Jaehyun knew that feeling well: he had lost Taeyong, or so he thought, several times this week. There was the time at Namsan Tower, the time when Taeyong thought he caught Jaehyun betraying his trust by the club, the time Taeyong came and left after their whirlwind-like intimate episode. It was an escape mechanism of Taeyong’s that Jaehyun knew first-hand. He had lost Taeyong one too many times, and now that he had finally found him, the one he loved so very much, lying soundly next to him, he was not about to let the older boy go. Not now, not ever. Come back to the States with me, please Taeyong, Jaehyun prayed. 

‘Very funny,’ Taeyong answered and although Jaehyun couldn’t see Taeyong’s face, he could imagine the older’s snark smile in retort.  
‘No, I’m serious,’ Jaehyun lifted his head from Taeyong’s shoulders and pushed himself back until he could see Taeyong clearly, ‘Come back to the States with me.’  
‘We’ll talk about it in half a year. You just got here, still plenty of time,’ Taeyong answered nonchalantly, like an adult pacifying a whining child carelessly.  
The only way Jaehyun could think of that could make Taeyong realise how serious he was, was to break the news. ‘I’m leaving Seoul. I’m leaving, next week.’  
Taeyong froze. The smile that had been plastered so beautifully on his face the past hour vanished. ‘It’s not funny Jaehyun. Don’t joke about things like that.’ He was in denial.  
He had already said it. There was no turning back now. ‘I’m not kidding. The LA office wants me back to wrap up a project I started earlier this year.’ Same lie, same excuse, but it felt a lot more difficult repeating it to Taeyong now than it had been with Ten. But how was Jaehyun supposed to tell Taeyong that it was all because of his father’s irrational contempt toward Taeyong himself? A white lie never hurt anybody.  
‘B- But your secondment, it’s not supposed to end in another six months…’ Taeyong was flustered, clinging on to what little hope there was left.  
‘I’m sorry, Taeyong. I have to go back, they just notified me via email a few hours ago. I’m sorry.’ Jaehyun was technically telling the truth. The LA office did indeed drop him an email transferring him back. He just omitting the part where it was his father who had requested the managing partner of the firm to do so. But he had to go back nonetheless. He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn’t lose his job.  
‘Oh,’ was all Taeyong uttered. The look of disappointment on the older’s face was clear as day and Jaehyun had never known a reaction that could invoke such torture, knowing that he himself was the source of all the hurt and pain.  
There were two sides to Taeyong, Jaehyun had discovered. The cold, haughty façade, the one on display to the world at large; and the fragile, gentle private side, the one Jaehyun had come to know in recent days. The Taeyong he now knew triggered Jaehyun’s protective instincts all too frequently but he also knew as much as he was capable of protecting Taeyong, he was also all too capable of hurting him just as much.  
The silence was suffocating, the room so quiet it was deafening. Jaehyun’s ears were ringing and it felt nauseating.  
‘You know I can’t leave Seoul, not even if I wanted to,’ Taeyong said in a small voice, peeling the duvet off and sitting upright. ‘I’m barely making ends meet even now. Not everyone is as rich as you are, Jaehyun.’ There was no venom in Taeyong’s voice but somehow, it sounded like an accusation.  
It seemed like centuries later when the older broke the silence.  
‘I guess this is goodbye then.’ It was so obvious that Taeyong was making an effort to sound casual, nonchalant even.  
‘No, don’t go…’ Jaehyun could beg if his limbs reacted fast enough but in a split second, Taeyong had slid out of his bed and was picking up his jacket, heading for the door.  
‘Taeyong!’ Jaehyun called after him, bed-hair, slippers and all. If that was what it took to make the older stay by his side, he would gladly comply.  
‘Jaehyun, we both know this isn’t going to work out.’ Their roles had switched back to how it used to be, Taeyong the calm, mature one and Jaehyun ever the child. ‘Calm’ and ‘mature’ were nice ways of putting it – in other words, it was a reversion to the cold façade Jaehyun had tried so hard to break through.  
‘Think about all the things we could do together! Go home with me, Taeyong! We could move out, renovate our own loft. We could have breakfast in bed on the weekends and I’d bring home office gossip every now and then…’ Jaehyun rambled in desperation, his words and thoughts racing against the approaching lift. He still had seven floors worth of time to convince Taeyong.  
‘I’m sorry, Jaehyun. Maybe life really is this easy for you but I have brothers to bring up and finances to worry about. I really wish we could do all that… The past week must’ve been the happiest I’ve been in years, even Haechan said so. But sometimes life plays with you, you meet the right people at the wrong time.’  
Jaehyun could feel his insides implode into a mush of ugliness at those last words.  
Three more floors to go before Taeyong would be gone forever. Two floors. One floor. Ding. The lift slid open as if threatening to engulf Taeyong whole, dragging him out of Jaehyun’s life forever.  
‘Goodbye,’ Taeyong’s voice was nasally but he had mastered the art of concealing his emotions well.  
‘I love you.’ Three words. Three syllables. It was so abrupt and foreign that even Jaehyun himself was startled. ‘I love you, Taeyong,’ he repeated with growing certainty.  
Taeyong blinked, deer in the headlights, and slowly paced out of the lift. The sliding doors closing with a thud but no one seemed to pay attention.  
‘What did you say?’  
‘I love you.’  
‘Don’t do that, Jaehyun. We’re not kids anymore. Love isn’t something you just blurt out.’  
‘I know what love means and I know what it means to you, to me, and for us.’ Jaehyun was agitated now. Taeyong was treating him like a child when, despite the age difference, Jaehyun had taken care of the older time and again, there was virtually no hyung-dongsaeng barrier between them. But Taeyong had erected a wall between them once more, fencing Jaehyun off again.  
‘Tayeong, I love you, I really do.’ It sounded like pleading now. He felt pathetic. But it was for Taeyong and it was okay.  
‘I know it’s selfish, asking you to leave your life in Seoul, but I promise I’ll stay with you every step of the way when we get to the States.’ Jaehyun took a step forward and cupped his shaky hands on Taeyong’s cheeks. They were centimetres apart now. Jaehyun could Taeyong’s hitched breaths fanning his face. ‘Please, Taeyong. Imagine the life we could build together.’  
Taeyong opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. So Jaehyun leaned in, for there were no words, no phrases that could fully encapsulate all he wanted to say in a way he could make Taeyong comprehend. His lips met Taeyong’s and it sent a buzz of ecstasy through his body so overwhelming that it was dizzying. Taeyong tensed up at first then relaxed when Jaehyun wrapped his arm around the curve of Taeyong’s waist, his other hand still cupping his chiseled jawline before extending his fingers toward Taeyong’s nape. Jaehyun could almost feel the other’s icy expression dissolve. If their first kiss had been passionate and pleasurable, this was pure and chaste. There were so many things unsaid between the two, so many heartbreaks and misunderstandings buried beneath the surface, but none of that needed verbal adjudication, their mutual affection and adoration conveyed entirely in that moment of indulgence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, congrats to 127 for getting on GMA this week! It's so incredible seeing them on international tv like wow I teared up it's like seeing your kids grow up and doing great things :')  
> Anyway, here's a new instalment! Ok I have to apologise for blatantly ignoring the elephant in the room lol like IS TAEYONG GOING TO MOVE WITH JAEHYUN OR NOT?!? But trust me, we're getting there!! - I mean, yes Jaehyun does seem a little selfish but who would blame the guy, he does need to keep his job after all and he's torn between idk all the things and people he wants to hold on to, sooo...... We'll just have to wait and see ;')  
> Hope this keeps y'all intrigued!
> 
> Lots of love xx


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Yes, forever and permanently,’ Taeyong answered.

It was 7am and the flat was enveloped in a warm, lemony glow. Jaehyun had surrendered with extreme reluctance when Taeyong said he had to go home to his brothers because what if Taeyong was lying? What if Taeyong walked out and never returned? But Jaehyun knew it was only fair. He remembered the look of concern on the two youngsters’ faces and immediately conceded defeat. ‘I’ll come back once I’ve made them breakfast,’ Taeyeong had said. Jaehyun had stood in the lift lobby, melancholically watching Taeyong leave.   
It had been exactly 2 hours, 24 minutes and 19 seconds and Taeyong had still not returned. What if Taeyong had changed his mind? What if… Jaehyun recalled the momentary kiss they shared 2 hours, 24 minutes and 19 seconds ago. It had been the confirmation both of them needed – Jaehyun, to tangibly make Taeyong understand how much he needed him and Taeyong, to confirm with certainty that Jaehyun hadn’t just confessed in the heat of the moment. 

It was 2 hours, 45 minutes and 39 seconds later when the doorbell rang. Jaehyun practically sprinted to the door and was surprised to find not one, but three people standing there.  
‘Jaehyun hyung!’ Two smaller bodies barricaded into his stomach.   
‘Haechan said you promised breakfast?’ Taeyong smiled weakly, like a parent admitting defeat to a difficult child.   
‘Tell Taeyong hyung! You promised Taeyong would be home when we woke up and it happened! I just thought that you’d probably keep your promise about having breakfast together too!’ Haechan squealed, his messy bed-hair flopping like bird’s nest gone rogue.   
Taeyong had moved to Jaehyun’s side now. Hand on his shoulder, whispering, ‘Sorry it took so long, but Haechan and Renjun forced me to bring them along… and I thought it would be best if we broke the news to them together.’   
Together, Jaehyun decided, was a beautiful word. 

‘So, boys, what are you guys feeling?’ Jaehyun was poised by the stove, one hand on the pan and the other whisking eggs.   
‘We’ll just have whatever you can make without burning up the place,’ Taeyong teased.   
Jaehyun feigned an irritated expression. ‘You obviously haven’t seen my culinary skills, Lee Taeyong. For what it’s worth, I did manage to feed myself through all three years of law school.’   
‘And I can bet my life on it that 80% of the time it was ramen.’  
‘I would hate for you to be wrong, Taeyong, but I’ve got to say you’re way off the mark… It was 90% of the time,’ Jaehyun cackled, the egg mix flying from the bowl and plastering onto the wall.   
‘What a complete nutjob you are,’ Taeyong laughed adoringly, ‘Scoot over, I’ll finish the rest.’ 

The four of them were seated around the dining table. The tabletop had been covered with a layer of dust and Jaehyun realized that Taeyong had probably been right to question his cooking because he hadn’t actually touched a pot or a pan or eaten at the table properly the entire week.   
‘Can I have some extra bacon?’ Renjun piped.  
‘Finish yours first,’ Taeyong frowned, ‘Everyone has their own share. There aren’t anymore left anyway.’   
As Taeyong went to refill his coffee, he saw from the corner of his eye, that Jaehyun had put his own untouched strips of bacon onto Renjun’s plate and shushed the gleeful boy as if it were their own little secret. Taeyong couldn’t help but smile. 

‘So, what do you think of this place?’ Jaehyun asked the boys.   
‘I love it!’ Renjun squealed, simultaneously knocking over his half-filled cup of juice.   
‘Damn it, Renjun, how many times did I tell you-’ Taeyong shot his little brother a glare.   
‘No worries,’ Jaehyun chuckled, ‘I’m probably clumsier than you myself.’ Taeyong beamed as Jaehyun gave Renjun a fist pump. They were getting along so well it was unbelievable.   
‘I wish we could merge our houses together,’ Haechan said dreamily. ‘This place is pretty. I like everything about it and… and it’s so big too! We were in your room, Jaehyun hyung, and there was enough room for Renjun and I to play tag!’ Jaehyun laughed at the unit of measurement. ‘But our home has a nice garden. Taeyong hyung can tell you all about it. We have potted plants and we grow our own herbs for dinner!’ Haechan sounded pleased.   
‘We do!’ Renjun added, ‘Last year, hyung grew chilies, basil, rosemary and- and, colander!’   
‘Coriander. Cor-eeeee-ander, you mean,’ Haechan corrected with a kick under the table.   
As Jaehyun turned to look at Taeyong who was snorting in amusement at his brothers’ exchange, Jaehyun realized that this was one of the best mornings he had had in a very long time. 

It was after Jaehyun had done the dishes that the four of them were lounging on the sofa. Renjun was curled up on Taeyong’s side and Haechan fidgeting by Jaehyun.  
‘What does this say?’ Jaehyun held up a new shirt he had brought some time ago when he first visited Myeongdong.   
Taeyong squinted at the care label, ‘It legit just says 100% cotton, slim fit, easy care.’   
‘Jaehyun-hyung can’t read!’ Haechan roared as if he had just heard the joke of the year.  
‘Haechan!’ Taeyong slapped the younger on the shoulder.   
Haechan pouted and added defensively, ‘But even I can read that.’   
‘Aw, come here,’ Jaehyun patted the space next to him and Haechan crawled over. Jaehyun picked up a yellowing photo album on the coffee table and flipped it open.   
‘Do you know where this is?’ Jaehyun pointed to the first photo.   
‘What does this say?’ Haechan asked.   
‘H-O-L-L-Y-W-O-O-D. Hollywood. It’s in Los Angeles, America. That’s where I’m from.’  
‘Isn’t Hollywood where Black Panther, Batman and Ironman live?’ Haechan was bouncing up and down.  
‘Kind of, yeah,’ Jaehyun chuckled.   
Renjun clambered over to join the conversation, presumably interested in the whole superhero talk and was curiously blinking at the photos.   
‘Where’s this?’ Haechan asked, pointing at a photo of Jaehyun and his friend, Johnny, posing embarrassingly with a cotton-candy man.   
‘That’s Santa Monica Pier. You see that massive ferris wheel at the back? And the rollercoasters?’   
‘And there’s a beach next to it too!’ Renjun spotted.   
‘Exactly, all of that next to the sea. I went to Santa Monica Pier all too often back when I was still a college student. This guy next to me, he’s my best friend. We used to surf on the weekends,’ Jaehyun reminisced. He actually did miss Johnny. The last time they had talked was over a month ago. Shortly after graduation, Johnny had moved back to Chicago to take over the family business and Jaehyun hadn’t seen him since. Johnny was the life of the party, constantly coaxing Jaehyun to drop his books and chug a few shots with him after class.   
‘I want to visit!’ Renjun’s shrill voice brought him back to reality.   
‘Me too!’ Haechan was still jumping on the sofa and the springs groaned from the impact.   
Taeyong burst out laughing, ‘Jaehyun, it’s all on you, getting them hyped up like this! They’re never going to let this rest now that you’ve mentioned rollercoasters and beaches and Batman.’  
‘Guys, listen. What if I told you that we could all go there?’ It felt like the right moment to bring up the matter and Jaehyun gave Taeyong a quick cue.   
‘Really?’ The two boys were screaming in earnest now.  
‘I always keep my promises, don’t I?’ Jaehyun winked and the sound of cheers and hollers resounded in the room.   
‘How would you guys feel if we… if we moved to Los Angeles?’ Taeyong seemed to better-placed to break the news officially.   
‘Like forever?’ Haechan’s eyes were as wide as saucers.   
‘Perrerently?’ Renjun pitched in.   
‘Per-MANENT-ly,’ Haechan corrected once again.   
‘Yes, forever and permanently,’ Taeyong answered, testing the waters.   
‘What about school?’ Haechan asked.   
‘Everything else stays the same. You’ll go to school but in LA, and all of us will stay together,’ Taeyong smiled comfortingly.   
‘Exactly, ALL of us,’ Jaehyun added.   
It took Taeyong by surprise because somehow he hadn’t given the precise living situation much thought. Yes, they would move to LA but no, he hadn’t discussed whether they would be living together at all. If anything, he didn’t want him and his two brothers to become a burden on the budding lawyer, but if Jaehyun was the one to initiate it, Taeyong would gladly comply.   
Haechan was frowning. ‘But… we don’t have the money for it.’   
Taeyong hated how money was always an issue. Children at Haechan’s age were not supposed to worry about those things.   
‘Dad left me with a fund to pay for you and Renjun’s education,’ Taeyong reassured. That was a lie. Their father had left in a hurry and had only left a meagre amount that could barely sustain the three for over a month. The money Taeyong referred to was actually a fund his birth mother had left him before she passed away. It was supposed to be for his own education, all the way up to university and more, in case he struggled to make a living, his mother had said on her deathbed. All these years, Taeyong hadn’t wanted to touch the stash which was the only living reminder of his mother he had left. Taeyong had earned his own living and provided for Haechan and Renjun with his own savings, but Taeyong wasn’t naïve, he knew they wouldn’t even last a month in the States with just the money he had saved. Truth be told, he knew his mother would be proud of him, taking such a huge step out of his comfort zone. She had always wished for Taeyong to seize what the world had to offer, yet Taeyong had always been imprisoned in the narrow streets of the city that he called home, bogged down by his toxic past and financial burdens. Now the chance had finally come. It was his turn to see the world for a change. 

‘Let’s go, hyung. Let’s go to America.’   
Taeyong could swear he saw a glint of excitement in his younger brother's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to drop a new instalment because I was thirsting to write some fluff like omg I've been itching for the two to just reconcile and get all the angst out so I could go full-on fluffy :")   
> I don't write fluff often so fingers crossed I've done it justice somewhat... I'm actually praying that this is how their dynamic's actually like in the dorm - one of them always having the other's back be it brotp or otp in the kitchen, talking to the younger members or just idk life in general like they fit together so well!!  
> Anyhow, enjoy all them rainbows and unicorns while it lasts aaand off we go to LA! 
> 
> As usual, thanks for reading, dropping kudos and comments!! xx

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a real-life one-on-one tourguide service I read about online and a bit from this dream that's been recurringly plaguing me.
> 
> Also, please do recommend good Jaeyong fics since I've read so many already I think I might have exhausted the lot ughh and that's why I'm dutifully playing my part as a Jaeyong shipper to add to the dwindling collection of fics.
> 
> (As posted on AFF as well, but thought that I might post my first fic on AO3 too!)
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!! 
> 
> Anyway, comment, subscribe and send kudos! 
> 
> Lots of love x


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